I think about blogging...I just so often fail to do so.  The last few weeks have been so hard.  I am in a funk right now and can't seem to surface.  

A few weeks ago, Angie's daddy got really really sick.  He's been fighting so long to stay home....to stay with grandpa (who he takes care of 24-7) but he was in ER twice in a very short time and this time would be his last.  Angie knew it was so serious, so she ended up flying to KC to be with her daddy and Chase had an out of town trip for his new job that he needed to make, so I went to Frisco to be with Hayden.  I love my one on one time with that sweet boy, but at 69 years....I am not made for a week at a time.  He's a ball of energy and I guess because of his ADHD, entertainment for Mimi is non stop.  If I let him play on technology all the time, it would be so easy.  But I just hate for him to do that.  I am really worried about all the time he spends on his iPad and computer - he would do that all night and day if he was allowed.  I see it interfering with his friendships and his personality.  It really scares me.  

But it's HARD.  He is so fidgety if he's not doing something.  It's so hard for him to sit still.  It drained me trying to keep him off the electronics and into "life".....but it was GOOD.  We watched so many movies....his choice and he did such a good job picking them out.  We cooked - he watches "Tasty" on Youtube and got so many ideas for dinner.  We shopped for the things he wants to make and I promise....that boy, everything he sees he wants!  We went in for a few things to make "gouda stuffed burgers" and 58.oo later, we were done.  He made glazed pork chops and 5 cheese Mac and cheese the first night....SO yummy, second night the burgers and they were awesome....another night he made teriyaki chicken and it was probably my favorite.  He just might be a little chef when he grows up!  We played games in the pool (and this is Texas summer mind you), we played Mexican train (and he always wins), we just had a special time together.  But this mimi was drained when I got home.  

It was a heart breaking time for Angie....her daddy passed away....but the most awesome thing ever was that right before he passed away, he accepted Jesus as his Savior!  Chris talked to him and prayed the prayer with him to accept Jesus.  He was struggling....his breathing was labored.  Everyone got to say their goodbyes before he stepped into heaven too.  They had a precious graveside celebration of his life.  Chase said the most profound thing and it has stuck with me.  He told me that SO many friends of Curt showed up at the memorial....and he said "mom, these weren't just 'surface' friends....these were the kind of friends that would bleed for you".  That says SO much about Curt.  Wish I could have known him longer and better.  I am SO very thankful that heaven holds him.  One day we can visit!

SO, I was home about a week later, I am going back to Frisco for a week to stay with Hayden, Cooper, Rosie....and I told Michael this time please go with me.  So we had Sammy too.  Oh my goodness, another week, 3 dogs, one of which does not play well with others, Hayden and 24-7 care for a week.  Angie Corley....how do you do it?  There was a schedule (thank you Angie) and some activities Hayden had, like basketball camp....time with Nathan to play....a few things.  

Here's the one thing that happened though at the very first.  It was life changing for me.  I haven't been able to shake the mess.....The first night we kept Hayden, Suzanne had invited us to Bob's birthday party at Primo's.  Same place they had their first date (which I went on with her) and a year to the day we all met again.  Thank's to Christine and Jim, we were able to go.  

It was a big crowd - Lane came but Pam was sick.  Doris and Will, Sue, Becky and Tom, Chris....and of course Bob and Suzanne.  We got there the same time Will and Doris did.  We were seated on the patio....with a table for twelve set.  Last time the girls sat together and the guys at the other end.  I never like this situation because I am Michael's voice....I am also his ears a lot of the time when it's crowded like that.  But as we did the year before, we sat boys on one end and girls on the other.  Will sat by Michael - left a chair between me and Will and Doris on my right.  In comes Suzanne and Bob....they sat across from us with Bob down toward the guys, Chris next to him by the boys....then came Lane, he sat on the end across from Michael.  Sue sat down at the end by Doris....and then in comes Becky and Tom.  SO there's an empty chair at the end between Michael and Lane - with the guys - or there's a chair by Will and the other chair is at the girl's end.  Becky comes down to sit at the end by the girls....and Tom walks right passed the chair by the guys (between Michael and Lane) and down in the middle close the girls, on Will's right.  I could see Michael's face.....it broke my heart.  SO we order drinks, a margarita was spilled on Michael as they were serving....everyone laughed....except Michael.  I looked down shortly after and told Doris "Michael has checked out" - Will was turned listening to Tom.....Lane and Chris were turned talking to Bob.  Michael was looking off and the look on his face told me he wasn't just hurt....he was MAD.  I went got up and went down to that end of the table....."are you okay?" I asked....."I don't want to be here....I want to leave NOW.....nobody wants to sit by me, nobody wants to talk to me - I want to leave NOW".  So I grabbed my purse, made our excuses and we left.  On the way home, I just saw a very broken man.  What do you say?  He said he doesn't blame anyone....that they can't hear him....he can't hear.....people avoid sitting by him.....but you know what?  I just can't help but shake this feeling....and I am praying so hard about it because I can't shake it.  A TRUE friend....someone that really cared and was compassionate would have sat on the end....with the guys.....someone who claims to be a good friend would have been his voice....would have been there for him.  I just don't think they realize what Michael has had to give up....what WE have had to give up.  On the way home, we just said we will never separate again if we are ever forced to be in a large crowd....but truly, we will try and never put ourselves in that situation again.  And we will surround ourselves with people that truly love us and have our backs.  I am struggling with forgiveness.....I just can't imagine why he walked passed Michael and sat with the women.....he could have been smack dab in the middle of the guys....and he could have been Michael's voice.....the evening could have been so different.  But it showed us a few things.....that we just can't be in large, loud groups again.....that we know who our true friends are and we just have to be okay with that....and that he needs me by him.  I can always be his voice and his ears.  

SO the week with Hayden was crazy....but precious.  We watched movies, cooked, played games, played lacrosse in the pool, and this Mimi played laser tags....running through the house like a teenager.  We made a special potted plant for Angie from Hayden for her birthday.....Yes, it was a wonderful week, but Michael joked to Angie from the airport, when their plane landed...."Don't be surprised if you find the car running when you get here".  

Each night I prayed with Hayden at night time.....I really think he loved the time with us.  He was a little put off with me because I limited his screen time.....but other than that, he loved us being there.  He loves the attention.  when he did play his computer - "mimi, will you come watch me?" and of course I did.  Every minute.  We drove back to Rockwall for "movie night" at our church.  (of course I had a scavenger hunt set up for him at the house when we went by) Great message that night because the movie was "Sandlot" - it was about friendship - an awesome message for Hayden.  We grabbed cokes and popcorn on the way in.....he was SO attentive during the service - and towards the end, he leaned over to me and asked "mimi, it's not about to be over is it?" - he LOVED the movie.  As we were leaving, in the parking lot, he says "okay, Ive got two things to say about tonight....first, they should have shown the entire movie" - I told him that we only had an hour for our service and that we could watch the movie when we got home - he as excited about that!  "the second thing is - it seemed like they were trying to SELL something" - They were, I told him....they are trying to sell Jesus in your heart.  "Oh" he says....."I get it".  We talked some about Jesus....about heaven, cause that is where grandpa is now....I just continue to pray every single day for Jesus to bill up his heart.  I pray daily for Hayden to accept God's sweet gift of salvation.  He pinkied that he would finish the book I gave him "Heaven is for Real".....I pray he does.  

I am thankful for the one on one with Hayden.  I love that he still loves time with us.  This Mimi plays her heart out when we are there!  Papa's "routine" was disrupted but he enjoyed the time too I think.  Sammy not so much!  

Angie and Chase had an incredible vacation in Turks and Caicos.  We were glad that we could help make that happen.  They needed that getaway!  

Love our family.