Text from Chase....

Got a text from Chase yesterday.  Bless his heart, he travels so much.  

So proud of him though and the job he's doing.  He loves it.  

We were in the car, headed to Lowe's and a text came in from Chase.  As I started reading it out loud to Michael, tears came and I had trouble with the words.....Michael's tummy started giggling....that's what happens when he gets emotional - I think trying not to cry.  This was the text:

Mike Bro & God talked to me just now when we were boarding... I got upgraded, 2nd row in first class and there was an elderly lady sitting in first class in the first row. The stewardess came up and asked for her boarding pass, and the elderly lady said she didn't really know what to do, she just sits down (reminded me of mema beard how she said it) Turns out she was on the very last row on the plane in a window seat, and when she was walking by me I asked if she would like to switch with me, which she did... Mike Bro was talking in my ear as clear as day... And, turned out great, as when I got back to the last row the other stewardess heard what I did and she gave me an aisle seat right behind first class Gets better, that same stewardess grabbed me, said there were 2 empty seats in first class and moved me back to first class Sent from my iPhone

Chase is almost 6Ft 4 - and he's just a wee bit claustrophobic.  To take a seat on the very last row of a plane and a WINDOW seat - HUGE give for him.  I am just so very thankful that Chase continues to listen to the Lord....that God's voice is so loud in his life.  I am thankful too, for Mike Breaux and the pictures he paints in his messages.  They STICK.  

Love you Ian Chase Corley.  We have seen God's work in your life since you were oh so young....and we are so thankful that you stay close to Him....that you LISTEN to Him. As parents - to KNOW God's hands are on your child's life.....it means the world. 

 So very proud of you Chase.  

Invisible

 I heard something on a tv show the other night, and it rings so much truth in my life right now.

"When we become older, we become invisible.  We become insignificant."

That is where I am. I am so thankful I have friends.....and sweet new neighbors that love me and care for me and actually SEE me.  

Lord....my heart breaks.  I know you are enough.  But oh how it hurts my heart so bad.  Please help heal my heart.  

Happy Birthday D....

September 14th.....somebody so precious was born on this day - 74 years ago.  

I am so thankful for the gift of you Michael Lane Corley.  I have had the blessing of celebrating 50 birthdays with you!  We have been through so many mountain tops and a few valley's too....but I wouldn't want to ride this journey with anyone but you.  

The sweet little couple next door ask me for marriage advice often.  They have two tiny kids and life is kinda hard right now.  I just tell them.....ride it out.  There have been some times when I think we both would have walked away.....but WE STAYED.  Thank you for staying.  Thank you for never giving up.  Thank you for seeing the good in me.....but also seeing the ugly and loving me anyway.  

You are precious to me Michael.  My love, my best friend, my rock, my partner in crime =), the one who knows me best - warts and all.....you are just the sweetest gift ever.   

I hope and I pray we have many more years to celebrate....birthdays, anniversaries - kids, grands, and greats.....this sweet life that God has given us.

I love you Michael.  Thank you for loving me like you do.  Thank you for sharing this crazy, mixed up life with me.  Thank you for letting me be your "woman child".....forever and a day sweet man.

Changes

It's hard to understand.....looking back, and that's the hardest thing to do - things were so different.  

I find change hard.  Mike Breaux has spoken recently, referring to our new life in Christ, about a "new normal".  My life in Christ IS my new normal.  Goodness how He has changed my life in the last few years.  And He tells me in His word that HE is enough.  HE is my rock solid.  HE is all that I need.  I need that tattooed on my body where I see it every single day.  Because life hurts.  I can't get away from the hurt.  It's one thing when it's people - but when it's family.....it's heartbreaking.  

This thing with our dysfunctional family - I just don't get it.  I have tried my best to realize it's a new normal there too.  But this is hard.  We are just an obligation.  

Help me Jesus....help me just dwell on You.....not on the missing family times....the missing sharing, the missing giving a care.  Help me walk with YOU Jesus....and realize our new normal.  Help me not compare our relationships with our family to those of our friends.  It's just not there and I can't make it there.  As the song says, "I can't make you love me"......

YOU are enough Jesus.  YOU ARE.  Help me walk forward with that.  

Hearts

 It's so hard when your heart hurts....and you can't do anything about it.  

I tend to let my emotions rule at times and when I do that,  it's not pretty - and right now, it's not pretty. 

Been praying about it....missing some things in my life that used to be.  

For everyone's birthday, I go back through the years of pictures on my phone and make video's.  I think this year is the last year I will do them though....it takes me days to go through all the pictures and years and then hours to put them together.  I will just hang on to the ones I have made and call it good.  Surely there's an easier way to do them, but I haven't found it yet!

This month, as I flipped through the years of our lives, I realized just how VERY much things have changed.....and it hurts my heart.  Asking God to heal the hurt....and help me walk away from the way it used to be and find the joy that He brings as we move forward.  Letting go is sometimes SO hard....but I am asking Him to help me let go and help me find the new normal.....and then to find joy in that new normal.  As I read in my devotional this morning.....HE is enough.  I need to find contentment again....quit focusing on what used to be and move on - with HIS joy in my heart.  I need to let HIM define me and my life....not other people.  I need to quit comparing and be content.  

Help me Jesus....You KNOW me - inside and out and You know how messed up I can get.  Help me out of the shadows and into YOUR light again.....

Help me find happy again, I pray. 

James 1:17.....Lord every good gift.  I pray.  

Home

I've never been a good decorator.  That surprises me, because sometimes I think there's a creative streak in me - at least I have this sense of SOUL when painting or creating something.  But decorating - it's not my thing.  

So often when I visit other people's homes, I feel this sense of dread when I walk into ours.  Ours is old....lots of OLD.  When I go in friend's houses - the ones that have that talent of making it look like a model home.....or my son's homes - Shawn's so masculine and modern, Angie and Chase's - like a magazine....friends like Suzanne and Bob - their homes are so beautiful - NEW.....modern, current, comfy and beautiful.  

But today, as I was cleaning house (that's another thing....all my friends have housekeepers - but you know what?  I traveled 9,650 steps today cleaning this place and as long as I can, I LOVE doing it.  Joni Mitchell and Neil Young blaring.....windows open - I LOVE it) - as I was saying.....as I was cleaning this house today, I just felt LOVE.  I love this house.  Even thought it's old and I don't have the newest stuff on the walls....the things I DO have on the wall mean a lot to us!  I have often thought of having a decorator come in and help me, but there's too much here that means the world to us.  And today I realized....it doesn't matter that it's not a magazine house....or that the rooms are filled with odds and ends - they are odds and ends that mean SO much to us and as I go through, it's like stepping back into time.  I can remember things about our lives and that's SO sweet.  

So, from now on, I will enjoy to the fullest the homes I visit....loving the peaceful, magazine beautiful decorating....but when I walk into the these doors....this home....I will be proud and feel ALL the love of 49+years staring back at me.  Sweet gifts from those we love....memories all around....cozy to us....like the feeling you get on a winter's day when you are all wrapped up in a warm blanket.  I love our home....and I love the life God has given us....the family we are a part of.  

Crosses my friend's made - had them over to celebrate my birthday =). They each made a cross and that was my gift.  I had all the paints and canvases and brushes.  We had the best time laughing and painting.  And then three are from Avery and Addy....at one of our camp Mimi's, they painted a cross for me.

These books are ancient....from my momma and daddy.  Some are written in - their handwriting.  So precious to me.

Oh and the bus.....that sweet bus - what Michael drove when I met him.  My sister Gerry made curtains for it.  Yes, we were hippies!  And the stone at the top....a gift from the boys to Michael.  It's a brick they had made in the new Cowboy's stadium....the picture of my Aunt Loretta.....on her basketball team when she was young....she signed it =). There's also a photo book....a gift to Papa from the boys of the trip to Lambeau field to see the Cowboys play.  Sweet memories.

A faithful brother supporting his little bro when he played at UNT.....no matter how they fought when they were boys....there's love there.

We got this picture on a trip to Michigan with Shawn and Avery.  It's an original.  We spent way too much but I love it so much.

Pictures of our travels hangin on the walls.  LOVE so much the gift we have been given in traveling.  I pray they are many more trips.

Us at the beginning.....and the little gold thing at the bottom is a date keeper.  It was on my daddy's desk when I was growing up.  The date is set for Thursday, March 29th.  Our wedding day.

Shelves filled with pics of the loves of our lives....first cruise to Alaska - the Seatle skyline....old books of my parents.....I love this bookshelf.  And the painting on the left....with the soldier - Chase gifted that original print to his daddy.  LOVE.

A gift from my stocking this year.....from Chase and Angie.  In most everything I have like that, I write on the back of each gift the date and who it's from.  I never what to forget.

So.....my daddy's matchbooks.  When I was little, daddy had this huge fishbowl looking thing in his room and as he traveled....and he traveled a LOT - he collected matchbooks.  That basket has them in it and the two tall vases....Shawn actually has two vases full of them too.  And guess what?  I have MORE....he picked them up EVERYWHERE.....not just traveling, but restaurants, hotels they stayed in when on trips.  Some of the places are long gone.....but oh how I love these matchbooks.  Such a dear treasure.  I can remember him coming home from a trip....even the way he smelled - all dressed in his suit......he would throw his hat on the dresser and then reach into his pockets and throw the matchbooks in the fishbowl.  Oh how I miss them.

Pictures of our beginnings.  Cool story - on our 35th anniversary, I had a great idea to go by and take a picture of the Vanderbilt - Greenville sign.  I thought Shawn could make it look really cool and I would give Michael a framed picture of it for our anniversary.  So when I went by to take the picture of the street sign, there was an "open house" sign in the yard....the home where we met....where we fell in love was going to be OPEN the following Sunday from 3-5.  Well, I had to tell Michael I had driven by the Vanderbilt house and that it was open on Sunday.  We went with Cindy and Steve....Steve took a picture of us kissing in the exact spot we kissed for the first time - on December 16, 1972 - with our camera.  We got the camera home and we couldn't get the pictures to download =(. On our anniversary, I gave Michael the picture of the street sign AND a picture of the house - framed.  Fastforward to my birthday the next year....Michael figured out how to download the picture of our kiss - it's the picture at the bottom.  He gave it to me....framed....to match the others - for my birthday.  

Girls just wanna have fun and I love this picture SO much.  A gift from Angie and Chase years ago.  I can't let go of my "little" girls.

I painted this!  Took a painting course at Richland college and I am just so proud of this.  Loved taking that course.

Traveled to Venice and bought this for Avery.  She loved stuff like this.

My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.  Oh how I miss them.  A few of the pieces of furniture we have are from them.....their very first pieces of furniture they purchased at the beginning of their marriage.  Mean so much to me.  Looks like a cross in the picture.....so fitting.  Some of the finest Christians I have ever known......I pray pieces of their love for Christ are seen in me today.

Avery gave me this bird.....for Mother's Day one year.  She must of been about 5.  SO precious.  The vase is from Sol Korea - Michael brought it to me when he traveled their for his work.  The picture....love it so much.  If you could read in the corner the artist signed it and put "first visit".  It was our first time to visit Sausalito.  We bought two paintings from them.  Sweet couple.  Wonderful visit.

Gifts from friends....I love this sweet pitcher because Marsha Mason POURS Jesus into me.  Just one of the meaningful gifts she's given me.  And the book on the bottom?  My daddy's reading book when he was little....I mean like 1st grade.  See what I mean?  Little love tucked everywhere in our home!

This a gift from Chase and Angie.....know what it reminds me of?  All the Camp Mimi's weve had with the kids.  And what happens at Mimi's STAYS at Mimi's?  Not always....loose lips Addy =). Oh how I love her.  (Ms. Ang.....Mimi gave Hayden donuts!)

Our first trip to Rome....on the square there, we bought this painting.  It was a canvas, all rolled up in a container.  Brought it home and spent 3times what it cost to have it framed.  Oh that trip though, we took a road trip through Tuscany....and that's what it looked like!  Ate lunch under a grape arbor at a beautiful Malbec winery.  Oh the memories. 

Took a trip to Victoria - with Terry and Debra Anderson.....just to see Crosby, Stills and Nash.  (awesome concert). It was a wonderful trip.  Those are our tickets....and the newspaper from the next morning in Victoria - Shawn had them framed for us.  

Michael's cancer.....it was the biggest storm.  But one day we got this package in the mail.  It was from my cousin in Kansas City.  The frog on the left was inside with a note that told us it was F.R.O.G. - it stands for Fully Rely on God.  There was a note included.  The FROG had been in the company of many that had faced cancer and beat it.  He was given to Michael to keep him company as he fought the fight.  To remind us....FULLY rely on GOD.  So our friends Doris and Will thought it was such a great message, they saw the frogs in the middle and gifted them to us....SO SO precious to us.  Love our frogs and the sweet loves in our lives that gifted them to us.  We will send the little frog on the left off,  with the note attached, when we have a close friend or family member that needs the comforting reminder.

Oh - see Michael with his dog?  He was in the service.  I think that is "Moon".  And then just US.  I love those pictures.

The hat rack.....long been in the family - got it from my momma and daddy.  I think it belonged to my grandmother and granddaddy Beard.

This is the sweetest cross....a gift from Shawn and Avery.  Those are prayers nailed to it.....prayers from me - to my Savior.  Love my Shawn and Avery Grace.

And this little guy, he was a gift too.  From the Frisco Corley's.  The ottoman he's on a gift from Shawn....from their first house.  We used to have the chair that goes with it but gave to Ron and Lee.

Bibles from our mommas....Look how worn....the WORD in their hearts.  LOVE these precious bibles they held and read and loved so much.  

Many more things around this house.....that just scream love to me.  Love from the past, love from the now.....love from our family....love from our friends.  I love this home....filled to the brim with "us".  

Turning 70

 I don't feel 70.  

Oh, there are plenty of aches and pains sometimes.....I am not as quick as I used to be.  When I look in the mirror and see the lines, I still don't see 70.  I see lines.....I see the gray in my hair.  But 70????? 

I can remember when I was young and my parent's friends were 70-ish.....my goodness, that was ANCIENT.  They looked 70.....acted 70.  I probably do too, but I sure don't FEEL 70.  

I am thankful for this birthday.....thankful for the sweetest gifts God has given me in my hubby, my family, my friends, my love for Him.  I hope I can do 70 proud in sharing this journey with them....with Him.  Hope we can lean in to each moment and grab all that sweet and precious life has to offer....all God has planned for us...the sweet gifts He showers us with day and night.  Goodness, we are blessed.  

I am walking closer to Him these days.  Reading His word, talking to Him more.  Just a closer walk and for that I am thankful too.  I pray each day.....more of Him and less of me.  

Come on 70.....Let's DO this!!

A cold winter day and random thoughts

From our breakfast table.....

Deliver for Meals on Wheels peeps for Valentine's Day

 This time last year we had snowmageden - this day, it's just cold....ice is gone and we are enjoying this Saturday morning with coffee in hand.  Our devotional time is done (thank you Michael for ingraining this habit into all of my days.  because of you, I am in God's Word most every single morning). Sammy sleeps beside me, all nestled in his blanket, snoring away.  Thank You Lord for this quiet time....for this warm and cozy home....for Michael's health....for my family....for Sam that loves us so...for friends right at our back door and up the street.....thank You Jesus for salvation....for Your promises....for that glorious view across the street and the sunsets on the lake and the wild life outside our windows....for the little bird that literally peered into our home this morning from the sunroom door.  I pray Jesus, that I will never take for granted the gifts You give....they are oh so precious.  

Last night, as he often does, Shawn called just to check in with us.  I can't say enough how precious this is.  All during his youth, he kept us at arms length....so independent and closed.  But now, there's this precious relationship with him and I just can't thank you enough for that Jesus.  It means the world to us.  He often calls just to say hi and often comes over just to spend the day with us.  

They say that a son is a son until he takes a wife and that a daughter is a daughter for life - I can see that in our relationship with Chase.  It's like the tables have turned and oh how I miss the relationship we used to have.  All during his youth, we shared every aspect of his life.  He was so open - included us in everything from homework, projects, to girlfriends and his faith.  But as time has gone on, things have changed and I guess I just have to accept that fact.  I know he's busy with his career, raising kids, loving his family - but oh Lord Jesus I miss talks....deep talks - not the surface ones we seem to have always now.  I pray Lord that You will help us get that relationship back.  I miss Chase Corley!  

So much in the world right now is in question.  Ukraine is at war with Russia....our political situation is scary at best - we have three friends that are just fighting right now to stay above water....and one that is struggling to live.  Things are changing in our church - an avid run for young people and I feel the changes for our older generation taking a back seat.  I am thankful to have our bible study groups though.....they keep me grounded in The Word - growing Jesus bigger in my heart and our lives.  I am so very thankful to have You Lord....I don't know how people live in this world without You - and yet, so many do.  The evil runs rampant and seems to just grow daily.  Keep me in Your Light Lord Jesus I pray.  And You know my biggest prayer.....my very biggest and most often ask.....Please save my family.

Lord Avery is going though something now and it's so dark.  It scares me so much for her.  She hasn't a clue how very much she needs YOU.  All I ask Lord - and I ask it often, is that You will save her.  Soften her heart to Your saving grace....please Lord.  Save my beautiful Avery.  And Audrey - oh Lord she too has no clue how much she needs You.  She's lost and so in need of Your hand to guide her.  I know You won't force it.  I just pray when she looks into the eyes of those precious babies Lord....help her realize the magnitude of the responsibility she has.  Lord for these two....who need you SO very much, I pray divine intervention in their lives.  I pray for Hayden too Lord.....that You will speak so loudly in his life that he will hear and ask You in.  He has such a sweet heart.  I pray it can belong to You soon.  I pray for Addy and Hay....that Your voice will be the loudest one they hear and that they will ALWAYS be reminded WHO they belong to.  For all, I just pray Your protection....Your conviction....Your sweet and gentle love guiding this family to the abundant life You are writing for each one of us.  For Angie and this new job....Lord I pray she absolutely loves it and that she will do well.  

Just some random thoughts.....prayers....and thankfulness.  My word this year is woven....and this the scripture reference:

Colossians 2:2-4

I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God.  Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery.  All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else.  And we've been shown the mystery!

                                                                                                                    The Message

Lord, please weave Your light and love into every nook and cranny of my life, I pray.  I pray more of You.....less of me.  I pray that You will weave Your saving grace miracle into every heart in this precious family You have placed me in.  Divine intervention.  Overwhelming Love.  Paid in full.  Thank You Jesus and may I never take for granted the gifts You give.  

 

The Dance

 It's really early.  Still dark outside.  This little one got me up early.  Sometimes I think he just doesn't want to be alone in his crate.  He's really good about going into it at night.  I mean, who wouldn't be?  a soft,  warm blanket in there.....and the fact that he gets blueberries and CHEESE  right before he snuggles down for the night.  

It's a ritual.  And Sammy boy looks forward to it!  I think now if I ever came to the crate with anything other than blueberries and cheese, he might revolt!

But sometimes in the mornings, I wake up to whimpering from his crate.  So I get up.  I hurry and make coffee and then I go spring Sammy from his crate.

There's a little dance we do EVERY single morning.  Out for a quick pee.....then, as he comes in,  jumping as close to my ankles as possible as we make our way to the treat jar.  I retrieve my coffee from the microwave (I kind of have coffee milk =). Quite a bit of milk in there so it has to be warmed) and I can't sit down soon enough.....here comes Sammy.  He gets in my lap, puts his paws on my chest and he's ready for his morning rub.  I rub his ears.....his neck......up under his chin and he lifts it way high.  I think it must feel really good to have an under the chin rub if you are a dog.  Sometimes he wants more.....so he paws my hand.  Eventually, he will settle in beside me (as close as he can lay and scrunched down in a blanket) and he's back asleep.  

It's a dance he does every single morning - without fail. 

And if Michael gets up first (and that happens a LOT), he does the VERY same thing with Michael.  

So here we are.....all tucked in.  I will be doing my devotional time and Sammy will sleep.  That is until he hears Michael get up.  Then he waits - ears alert and he waits for Michael to come in.  Michael will reach down and talk to Sammy - hug on him a bit and then he's off to get coffee.  But here's the rest of the dance.  The MINUTE Michael's butt hits his chair (we are creatures of habit - same place every morning for our devotional time), Sammy gets up, shakes and off he goes to Michael.  He hops up into Michael's lap, puts his paws on his chest and waits for his second rub.  Same.  If he quits too soon, Sammy paw his hand to keep at it.  Soon Michael will get his phone out and start reading the paper and the minute THAT happens, here comes Sammy.....to my side....as close as he can lay...sleeping soundly (and dreams come too....as his little paws gently poke my side - he's chasing a squirrel I'll bet!) And the dance ends.  

I absolutely LOVE this sweet puppy.  I am so very glad that he came to be ours.  Such a sweet little gift....with a dance that I love and look forward to every single day.  

Somebody got their hair did yesterday =)

                                                                Our morning dance.

I think about blogging...I just so often fail to do so.  The last few weeks have been so hard.  I am in a funk right now and can't seem to surface.  

A few weeks ago, Angie's daddy got really really sick.  He's been fighting so long to stay home....to stay with grandpa (who he takes care of 24-7) but he was in ER twice in a very short time and this time would be his last.  Angie knew it was so serious, so she ended up flying to KC to be with her daddy and Chase had an out of town trip for his new job that he needed to make, so I went to Frisco to be with Hayden.  I love my one on one time with that sweet boy, but at 69 years....I am not made for a week at a time.  He's a ball of energy and I guess because of his ADHD, entertainment for Mimi is non stop.  If I let him play on technology all the time, it would be so easy.  But I just hate for him to do that.  I am really worried about all the time he spends on his iPad and computer - he would do that all night and day if he was allowed.  I see it interfering with his friendships and his personality.  It really scares me.  

But it's HARD.  He is so fidgety if he's not doing something.  It's so hard for him to sit still.  It drained me trying to keep him off the electronics and into "life".....but it was GOOD.  We watched so many movies....his choice and he did such a good job picking them out.  We cooked - he watches "Tasty" on Youtube and got so many ideas for dinner.  We shopped for the things he wants to make and I promise....that boy, everything he sees he wants!  We went in for a few things to make "gouda stuffed burgers" and 58.oo later, we were done.  He made glazed pork chops and 5 cheese Mac and cheese the first night....SO yummy, second night the burgers and they were awesome....another night he made teriyaki chicken and it was probably my favorite.  He just might be a little chef when he grows up!  We played games in the pool (and this is Texas summer mind you), we played Mexican train (and he always wins), we just had a special time together.  But this mimi was drained when I got home.  

It was a heart breaking time for Angie....her daddy passed away....but the most awesome thing ever was that right before he passed away, he accepted Jesus as his Savior!  Chris talked to him and prayed the prayer with him to accept Jesus.  He was struggling....his breathing was labored.  Everyone got to say their goodbyes before he stepped into heaven too.  They had a precious graveside celebration of his life.  Chase said the most profound thing and it has stuck with me.  He told me that SO many friends of Curt showed up at the memorial....and he said "mom, these weren't just 'surface' friends....these were the kind of friends that would bleed for you".  That says SO much about Curt.  Wish I could have known him longer and better.  I am SO very thankful that heaven holds him.  One day we can visit!

SO, I was home about a week later, I am going back to Frisco for a week to stay with Hayden, Cooper, Rosie....and I told Michael this time please go with me.  So we had Sammy too.  Oh my goodness, another week, 3 dogs, one of which does not play well with others, Hayden and 24-7 care for a week.  Angie Corley....how do you do it?  There was a schedule (thank you Angie) and some activities Hayden had, like basketball camp....time with Nathan to play....a few things.  

Here's the one thing that happened though at the very first.  It was life changing for me.  I haven't been able to shake the mess.....The first night we kept Hayden, Suzanne had invited us to Bob's birthday party at Primo's.  Same place they had their first date (which I went on with her) and a year to the day we all met again.  Thank's to Christine and Jim, we were able to go.  

It was a big crowd - Lane came but Pam was sick.  Doris and Will, Sue, Becky and Tom, Chris....and of course Bob and Suzanne.  We got there the same time Will and Doris did.  We were seated on the patio....with a table for twelve set.  Last time the girls sat together and the guys at the other end.  I never like this situation because I am Michael's voice....I am also his ears a lot of the time when it's crowded like that.  But as we did the year before, we sat boys on one end and girls on the other.  Will sat by Michael - left a chair between me and Will and Doris on my right.  In comes Suzanne and Bob....they sat across from us with Bob down toward the guys, Chris next to him by the boys....then came Lane, he sat on the end across from Michael.  Sue sat down at the end by Doris....and then in comes Becky and Tom.  SO there's an empty chair at the end between Michael and Lane - with the guys - or there's a chair by Will and the other chair is at the girl's end.  Becky comes down to sit at the end by the girls....and Tom walks right passed the chair by the guys (between Michael and Lane) and down in the middle close the girls, on Will's right.  I could see Michael's face.....it broke my heart.  SO we order drinks, a margarita was spilled on Michael as they were serving....everyone laughed....except Michael.  I looked down shortly after and told Doris "Michael has checked out" - Will was turned listening to Tom.....Lane and Chris were turned talking to Bob.  Michael was looking off and the look on his face told me he wasn't just hurt....he was MAD.  I went got up and went down to that end of the table....."are you okay?" I asked....."I don't want to be here....I want to leave NOW.....nobody wants to sit by me, nobody wants to talk to me - I want to leave NOW".  So I grabbed my purse, made our excuses and we left.  On the way home, I just saw a very broken man.  What do you say?  He said he doesn't blame anyone....that they can't hear him....he can't hear.....people avoid sitting by him.....but you know what?  I just can't help but shake this feeling....and I am praying so hard about it because I can't shake it.  A TRUE friend....someone that really cared and was compassionate would have sat on the end....with the guys.....someone who claims to be a good friend would have been his voice....would have been there for him.  I just don't think they realize what Michael has had to give up....what WE have had to give up.  On the way home, we just said we will never separate again if we are ever forced to be in a large crowd....but truly, we will try and never put ourselves in that situation again.  And we will surround ourselves with people that truly love us and have our backs.  I am struggling with forgiveness.....I just can't imagine why he walked passed Michael and sat with the women.....he could have been smack dab in the middle of the guys....and he could have been Michael's voice.....the evening could have been so different.  But it showed us a few things.....that we just can't be in large, loud groups again.....that we know who our true friends are and we just have to be okay with that....and that he needs me by him.  I can always be his voice and his ears.  

SO the week with Hayden was crazy....but precious.  We watched movies, cooked, played games, played lacrosse in the pool, and this Mimi played laser tags....running through the house like a teenager.  We made a special potted plant for Angie from Hayden for her birthday.....Yes, it was a wonderful week, but Michael joked to Angie from the airport, when their plane landed...."Don't be surprised if you find the car running when you get here".  

Each night I prayed with Hayden at night time.....I really think he loved the time with us.  He was a little put off with me because I limited his screen time.....but other than that, he loved us being there.  He loves the attention.  when he did play his computer - "mimi, will you come watch me?" and of course I did.  Every minute.  We drove back to Rockwall for "movie night" at our church.  (of course I had a scavenger hunt set up for him at the house when we went by) Great message that night because the movie was "Sandlot" - it was about friendship - an awesome message for Hayden.  We grabbed cokes and popcorn on the way in.....he was SO attentive during the service - and towards the end, he leaned over to me and asked "mimi, it's not about to be over is it?" - he LOVED the movie.  As we were leaving, in the parking lot, he says "okay, Ive got two things to say about tonight....first, they should have shown the entire movie" - I told him that we only had an hour for our service and that we could watch the movie when we got home - he as excited about that!  "the second thing is - it seemed like they were trying to SELL something" - They were, I told him....they are trying to sell Jesus in your heart.  "Oh" he says....."I get it".  We talked some about Jesus....about heaven, cause that is where grandpa is now....I just continue to pray every single day for Jesus to bill up his heart.  I pray daily for Hayden to accept God's sweet gift of salvation.  He pinkied that he would finish the book I gave him "Heaven is for Real".....I pray he does.  

I am thankful for the one on one with Hayden.  I love that he still loves time with us.  This Mimi plays her heart out when we are there!  Papa's "routine" was disrupted but he enjoyed the time too I think.  Sammy not so much!  

Angie and Chase had an incredible vacation in Turks and Caicos.  We were glad that we could help make that happen.  They needed that getaway!  

Love our family.  

Momma said there would be days like this....

Let's start with something so minor.....no internet.  It started on Friday - March 12th.  It lasted about 2 1/2 days.  I had to head over to Shawn's to dog sit for him (he and Avery went to Chicago to look at the college she might attend in the fall....really Avery?  THAT FAR????).  Michael usually stays home with Sammy - just because Sammy and Malcolm don't get along too well.....Michael was able to watch TV in the evenings with his phone.  He always comes to visit during the day with us.  On Sunday he came over and we watched a movie.  He just wasn't the same though.....very quiet...left early.....I could tell he just wasn't himself.  Next morning i didn't hear from him....I thought maybe just sleeping in.  I called him about 10 and found out he had been sick all night.  Nauseated, fever (101.5) and chills.  Since we are in this Covid mess, I told him he really needed to call his doctor.  Doctor sent him to ER.  

SOOOO, Here I am in Lakewood and Michael in Rockwall and he has to go to ER.  I have a dog in Lakewood and we have a dog in Rockwall that we are responsible for.....what to do?  I hurried home though and we drive to Er at UTSW because they have all of Michael's records.  They run all kinds of tests, one of which was very alarming.  His white count was 21 - normal is 5-10.  They are VERY concerned.  At some point in the afternoon, I went to let Sammy out and decided to take him to Shawn's - keep Sammy in his crate and let Malcolm roam as he usually does.  But both dogs needed to be let out, so I hurried to Rockwall - then packed Sammy up and headed to Lakewood to let Malcolm out and drop Sammy off.  Sammy knew something was up....and he wasn't a happy camper!

Michael was still not himself.  I can't explain it, I will just say he was "off".  He knew it too.  Michael kept saying "I just feel rum dumb".  Words were hard to come by for him that day.  He was pretty much fever free the entire time we were in ER though....and altho the doctor advised us to let him be admitted....he let Michael go home with oral antibiotics (later we were told he should NEVER have been allowed to leave with a white count that high).  

It was so late when we were discharged.  Neither on of us had eaten that day.  I asked Michael if he would like me to stop and get something for him to eat.  I knew things were bad when he said "no, I am not really very hungry".  Michael Corley is ALWAYS hungry!!

We went by Shawn's to pick up the dogs and bring them to Rockwall with us - and let me say.....THAT was an experience.  Michael held Sammy while Malcolm paced in the back seat of the car and cried the entire trip.  It was almost midnight when we got home.  Michael wasn't himself.....he just talked WEIRD.  That's all I can say.  They took blood that day at the hospital to send off for cultures.  I knew already that it was going to be positive.  He was acting just like my momma did when she had an infection in her blood.  He slept good that night but was still a little strange Tuesday morning.  I fixed him oatmeal and he actually ate most of it.  That was a good sign to me.

We both desperately needed a shower.  He took his first, then I got in.  As I was showering, I hear the toilet gurgling.  That means it's stopped up.  Slowly the water pools at my feet and I realize it's all stopped up....AGAIN.  I yell for Michael to go and check the other bathrooms.....ALL OF THEM ARE LEAKING WATER FROM UNDER THE TOILETS!!  I grab every towel we own and put towels down everywhere.  He calls a plumber.  Plumbers are hard to find because of all the freeze stuff they are dealing with.  The second one we call "MIGHT be able to get to us today......".

So we have every towel we own covering the bathroom floors....If we have to use the restroom, we travel across the alley to Ron and Lee's - bless them.  I leave to go in search of a good thermometer.  When we take his temp with the one we have, his temp might be 102.5 and then right after that, 98.9.  We need something reliable.  At one point I took my temp with that stupid thermometer and it was 91.  Geez.

As I am driving, I get a call from Michael.  "I have more good news for you" he tells me.  The doctor called from UT and said we need to come back to the hospital ASAP.  His blood cultures are positive and he needs IV antibiotics immediately.  

SO, here we go.  I have a house that's leaking water from every orifice - two dogs I am in charge of, a plumber that MIGHT get to us today and a husband that's just not all there mentally and needs to go across town to the ER IMMEDIATELY!  What can I do?  Shawn and Avery are due in at 6:00 that evening, but  we find out that Shawn doesn't have a key to get into his house.  What in the WORLD????  I have the only key!  His ex wife's hubby drives to Rockwall to get the key.....they also offer to pick Shawn and Avery up from the airport.  SO thankful.

Thank GOD for giving us the sweetest neighbors EVER.  Ron jumps into action - cancels all he's got going and takes Michael to ER. Not only does he take him, but he stays ALL afternoon into the evening and lets me stay at home waiting on the plumber.  There comes a plan for the dogs too.....Angie and Chase offer to meet me at Shawn's, after the plumber comes, and get Sammy.  Shawn and Avery are due back at 6, so Malcolm will be okay there until they get home.  Oh....but I don't have a key now to get into the house.  Quickly when I realize that, I call and see if Mark (Deb's husband)  left the key under Shawn's mat or if he has it with him.....he's got it with him and they are already on the way to the airport.  They are just 5 minutes away though so they will put the key under the mat.

We have a plan, right?  Plumber comes late, but they get the house unstopped.....Chase is going to meet me at Shawn's to get Sammy.  I load the dogs and all their stuff into the car and off we go.  Malcolm, bless his heart, cries and paces but not as bad as the first trip......Sammy cries a little too (I think Sammy was just freaking out at all the chaos).  I finally get to Shawn's.....head to get the key....it's not there.  IT'S NOT THERE!  I call Deb - "Mark....the key is not there.  Where did you leave it?" - "it's under the wooden mat" - I don't see a wooden mat....oh no....he left it at the wrong house and I am going to have to go and look on every front porch for a wooden mat????  "There's no wooden mat here....just a big mat with a C on it" - Deb goes "We don't have a mat with a C.....only a wooden mat" - Shoot, the key is under THEIR mat, not Shawn's.  I call Chase....he suggests we meet at Deb's house....so off I go....all this time so worried about Michael and SO wanting to get to ER.....He's SO sick - I mean it's dangerous!  We make the switch with the dogs....I get Malcolm home and get to the hospital about 7.  Ron has been there the entire time.  Bless him.  Ron though, as he usually does, has made it an enjoyable time.  He's laughing with the nurses, telling Michael stories....Michael is pretty much back to his old self (thank You LORD).

We get amazing news.....he is responding SO well to the IV antibiotics....they admit him....room 954.  It's like a 5 star hotel this hospital!  Goodness, the view....in room movies....so many people waiting on us hand and foot....everyone SO kind.  We called "room service" to order meals!  I mean if we had to be in a hospital, THIS was the hospital to be in!  Michael forgot some things at home that he needed, so since he's doing so well, we decide I will go home and get the things, sleep there and head back in the morning.  The drive home took forever because of construction .....I got home a little before midnight.  I am BEAT....off to sleep I go.

My alarm goes off at 6:15....I am thinking "goodness, it's dark in here....." - I reach to turn on the light....no power.  Ya'll - NO POWER.  I quickly get a flashlight and walk through the house.  Everything looks ok...just no power.  I desperately need a shower....so I shower in the dark.  Dress in the dark.  Make drip coffee in the dark.  Oh and since I couldn't do my hair - no power for the dryer, I cut my bangs.  Note to self....never cut your bangs when in the middle of chaos and in the dark.  It's not pretty.  

Then I remember the power garage door.  Guess I will take the Freestyle and pray it makes it downtown.  I go out to move it and find the biggest mess ever....oh my goodness, we have had a horrible storm overnight.  Ron's car is covered with heavy branches....our furniture on the gazebo has all blown into the yard with the heavy chairs turned over.....the table even moved and it's got propane attached.....pillows are everywhere in our yard.  Then I smell gas.  Our gas light has blown out....maybe that's causing it?  I try and turn it off but I can't.  So I call the gas company.  They will send someone out.  I have to wait for them....don't want to leave the house with gas smell so strong.  About 10 the power comes back on.  Great....I can get the garage door open!  SO after the gas guy leaves (and it WAS the lamp post) I head for the hospital.  It's like driving through a war zone in our neighborhood!  Branches everywhere....mud, leaves....it's a mess.  I get there and he's sitting up in his chair....already had a good breakfast and the news?  He's being discharged!  He has responded SO well to the antibiotics and he's been fever free since being there.....we get to go home!!!  

This is on March 17th.....St Paddy's day.  The day before my birthday.  I asked God, SO many times, prayed and pleaded with Him to please let Michael be okay.....that all I wanted for my birthday was Michael well.  God is so precious and has given us such grace and mercy in this!  On my birthday, I get to wake up at home....with my Michael....with power, with Sammy, with working plumbing.....side by side....Shawn and Avery home safely, no-one was hurt in the horrible storm....what a precious gift.  I can't even tell you how thankful I am.....Cannot even express in words.  God is SO good - how thankful I am that I don't ever have to travel these trials and tribulations alone....He is always by my side and He always hears my prayers......He has graciously allowed Michael and I to share this journey and it's the sweetest gift from Him.  Lord I thank You so very much.  The chaos of the last week was hard.....but I praised You in it all and I praise You now.  You are the rock of my salvation....my strong and steady tower.....Thank You Jesus.  

Thank You for Your healing hand on Michael.....thank You for loving us like You do.  Thank You for all the many gifts You give and I will try my best not to take the days for granted.  They are precious.  

Card from my cousin.....that's me - looking so much like Chase!

Ron's car was where those limbs are.  Broken window, dented car....

Our view from the 5 star hotel - amazing!

Malcolm loves his Camp Mimi!

Sits in my lap and watches TV with me =)

Picture to me from Ron as the ER docs check Michael out GOOD!

A crazy birthday week.....but I am OH so thankful.  

random thoughts

 Today as I was doing my walk....and praying - I started this for the new year....after my devotional and bible reading, I walk and pray.  Getting in almost 4 miles a day which I need so desperately.  Anyway, I was thinking today about my childhood....how very perfect it was and how it could have been so very different had God not intervened.  I am so thankful His hand plucked me from the situation I was born into and placed me in the arms of my momma and daddy....oh my goodness, how precious my life.  And oh my goodness, how thankful I am.  

Talk about a Leave It To Beaver childhood!  No pearls for my momma except on special occasions, but all the rest.  Momma took such good care of me and daddy.  She worked hard....breakfast around the table each morning - and she always made it special.  Not just a bowl of cereal - biscuits, sausage, and sometimes grapefruit halved in a little bowl.....and every single think she put on that table was delicious.  Probably the reason I have such a passion for cooking and food now....and also the reason for the weight problem I struggle with....but I would change it for anything.  As I was off to school, and daddy out the door to catch the bus for work, momma washed, cleaned, cooked, moved furniture around and she was only 5 ft tall....she amazed us both some days when we would come home and HUGE pieces of furniture would be in a different place.  She ironed EVERYTHING....pillowcases, napkins.....and she had this big green bottle with a spout on the end with holes in it.....sprinkling everything, rolling it up and ironing it one by one.  When I was little, she would let me do the sprinkling....and ironing the pillow cases.  Homemade desserts were always a part of our dinner and lunches on the weekends.  Oh and she made the best!  After school and homework, I would go outside and play til suppertime.  A full boat, home cooked meal every single night.....well every once in a while, TV dinners.  They were the rage back then and I can only imagine such a treat for momma.  That and chicken pot pies.  But never just a chicken pot pie....she served it with rolls, and veggies.  And dessert....don't forget dessert.  Summers were heaven....I was brown as a little Spanish child - out early morning to play all day long - in for lunch and supper but back out to play til bedtime.  Stinky and dirty I would come in and take my bath.....ring so bad around the tub when I got out.....but always fresh pj's and then....I can still feel and smell this....my bed was RIGHT next to a window air unit....I would crawl in that bed....the sheets would smell of sunshine and they were SO cold....it was the coziest feeling....and the BEST sleep.  I can remember fall Saturdays, daddy would have a transistor radio in the pocket of his shirt - listening to the SMU game....working outside on the house or the yard.  One picture so clear in my mind is him high up on a ladder and that radio blasting the scores.  He worked so hard to take care of us.  I can still remember the way he smelled when he came home from work.  His suit would be a mixture of city and probably cigarettes back then - not him, he never smoked, but people in the office did.  But it was a smell I loved....I guess because I loved him so much.  They had friends over a lot....big groups of their friends....all from church.  At Christmastime, I can remember laying in my bed, the Christmas light outside my windows blinking red and green, momma playing the piano, and all their friends gathered round singing Christmas carols.  Christmas morning.....oh Christmas morning....walking in and seeing all the things Santa brought me.  Stockings hung on the door of the dining room....filled with nuts and fruit.....I remember the Christmas I got my new bike.....aqua with white tassels on the handbags.  I remember the year I got a pogo stick....and being outside in the drive all day long jumping on it.  Always....and I mean ALWAYS....even their last Christmas here on earth, ALWAYS a tree and lights and decorations.  Momma loved Christmas.....and when I was really little, we always spent Christmas Day at my grandmother and granddaddy Beard's home in Rockwall.  The table would be so full of the best dishes EVER in this world.....so many of our family gathered round the table.  Lots of rocking on the porch after dinner....and into the evening, hearing the sounds of the country....pretending to fall asleep just so my precious daddy....all 6 ft 5 inches of him....would pick me up and carry me to the car.  Goodness, I felt so safe....SO loved.  One Christmas we went to Arkansas.....the only thing there....they open their gifts all on Christmas Eve.....Christmas morning came and me and daddy were SO sad.  Never again we said.  And never again have we opened gifts early.  

As a teenager....and young adult - there are lots of things I am not proud of....but still the sweetest time growing up.  My highlighted hair was not from a salon.....it was from lemon juice in my hair.  My tan wasn't from tanning lotion....baby oil was my go to.  I used to roll my hair on orange juice cans....momma made all of my clothes until I was 16 and got my first job.....selling Madame Alexander dolls at Medallion store.  I took my first paycheck and spent every cent of it on an outfit at Sanger Harris - blue and cream checkered pants, a cream colored long sleeved shirt and a navy blue baby doll thing that went on the top.  I'll bet I wore it every couple of days!  I still have my prom dress momma made....and I remember the hip hugger bell bottoms.....with the matching vest.  When I was little, the striped dress with the white penifore with the big bow in the back.  Momma was so talented.  

I never minded being sick.  Momma made you so comfortable and loved.  Pallets on the sofa, toast and tea.....oatmeal and butter and sugar.....mashed potatoes....vicks on my chest and a warm wash cloth on top.....and daddy would bring me surprises on his way home from work.  I remember chicken pox....I was so very sick.  Daddy brought me coloring books and paper dolls.  I remember fainting.....getting out of the bath and daddy carrying me to my bed.  I remember the time in 7th grade, walking home from school....fell backwards and hit my head so bad.  Concussion.  Didn't know anything....didn't know my parents....didn't know what happened....nothing.....don't remember going to the hospital.....first thing I remember is waking up.....dark room with the lamp so dim by my bed....momma and daddy both sitting right there....holding a plate of roast and mashed potatoes trying to get me to eat.  Oh my goodness how they loved me up.  

Best childhood ever.  Sweetest parents in the world.  Thankful beyond measure!

Covid Christmas 2020

It might be different, but we managed to have the best Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.....all of our family gathered round - a candlelight service, even though online, Angie got candles and we had probably one of the sweetest times ever.  I loved how everyone listened and the service was phenomenal as always. It was just a sweet time.  The stockings this hear....or should I say sack...well, SACKS, were over the top....Christmas Eve night found me and Angie tip toeing through her office because they filled that office up.....yummy appetizers that night and so many sweets - but the sweetest was our family, all in the same room.  My best gift.

Christmas Day was full....opening gifts was scattered through the morning and early afternoon.  We had a wonderful brunch and then lots of games played.....make your own pizzas that night.  ALL of our immediate family, 4 dogs, lots of yummy food, gifts out the kazoo.....blessed so big.  Thank You Jesus for the gift of this family....for the love we share and for what You will do to us and through us in 2021.  I pray it's the year every single heart opens to YOU Lord.

BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!!  Missing so much my daddy, carrying in his sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce, Pepa Corley in his blue jumpsuit, mema Corley's written prayers, my sweet momma and the way she loved Christmas so much.  Heaven holds them and oh the celebration they are having this day.  I am so thankful for the bits and pieces in me that carry the characteristics of them and the impression they made on my life....Thank You Jesus for my beginning.  

Looking forward to 2021....and all You will write for us Lord.  Cover us and guide us.  Shine Your light so brightly in our lives and grow so big in our hearts.