Sunday, December 20, 2009

December 20, 2009 Today was our Christmas Day. My family, that i love and adore, gathered together in our home last night for Christmas Eve. I was given so many sweet gifts today, but i think the one i cherish the most is just that - my family, all under one roof, waking up on Christmas morning together. There were way too many gifts.....i am not sure it's good for any of us, because our giving was for sure in excess this year. I figured me out though - probably need a little counseling - but i did figure it all out - i give gifts and i search and fret over getting just the right thing....and I think i do it because i want to erase all the hurt with the gifts....i want to erase deceit and divorce and a deadbeat dad that left his family - i want to erase wives that cheat on their husbands......i want to erase the scars of divorce on my boys and my girls - all of them. It doesn't do it though - the gifts are unwrapped, boxes packed up and everyone's gone home - not sure one bit of those hurts were erased by a gift. I just hope and pray that the love in this house, in this room - with the help of our Heavenly Father - can mend and heal. I have to realize i can't buy the scars away.....but i can sure try and love them away! I am so blessed with this precious family - they will never know what they mean to me....never can know how much i love them - I am blessed beyond measure.

I was reminded too this day, as i lit the candles in my mom's candle holders that she has had for as long as i can remember.....How very much i miss our parents. Oh how momma loved this time of year! I can still remember as a child - in my bed, waiting for sleep to come - the lights outside my window burning green and red - and i can hear my parents and their friends singing Christmas hymns - momma playing the piano, daddy with his deep voice booming....oh how safe and secure i felt. How much love was in that house.....and i know now that there probably weren't very many gifts around that tree - not at all like we had today - but the love - the sweetness.....oh my, how blessed. I felt like the richest child on earth. And i was =)
And I am =)

I miss you more than i can say momma and daddy. I know your Christmas in heaven can't even be described....Michael's mom's first Christmas with you guys. All four are loved and missed so much. Big hugs to each of you. Love you with all of my heart!