Hearts

 It's so hard when your heart hurts....and you can't do anything about it.  

I tend to let my emotions rule at times and when I do that,  it's not pretty - and right now, it's not pretty. 

Been praying about it....missing some things in my life that used to be.  

For everyone's birthday, I go back through the years of pictures on my phone and make video's.  I think this year is the last year I will do them though....it takes me days to go through all the pictures and years and then hours to put them together.  I will just hang on to the ones I have made and call it good.  Surely there's an easier way to do them, but I haven't found it yet!

This month, as I flipped through the years of our lives, I realized just how VERY much things have changed.....and it hurts my heart.  Asking God to heal the hurt....and help me walk away from the way it used to be and find the joy that He brings as we move forward.  Letting go is sometimes SO hard....but I am asking Him to help me let go and help me find the new normal.....and then to find joy in that new normal.  As I read in my devotional this morning.....HE is enough.  I need to find contentment again....quit focusing on what used to be and move on - with HIS joy in my heart.  I need to let HIM define me and my life....not other people.  I need to quit comparing and be content.  

Help me Jesus....You KNOW me - inside and out and You know how messed up I can get.  Help me out of the shadows and into YOUR light again.....

Help me find happy again, I pray. 

James 1:17.....Lord every good gift.  I pray.  

Home

I've never been a good decorator.  That surprises me, because sometimes I think there's a creative streak in me - at least I have this sense of SOUL when painting or creating something.  But decorating - it's not my thing.  

So often when I visit other people's homes, I feel this sense of dread when I walk into ours.  Ours is old....lots of OLD.  When I go in friend's houses - the ones that have that talent of making it look like a model home.....or my son's homes - Shawn's so masculine and modern, Angie and Chase's - like a magazine....friends like Suzanne and Bob - their homes are so beautiful - NEW.....modern, current, comfy and beautiful.  

But today, as I was cleaning house (that's another thing....all my friends have housekeepers - but you know what?  I traveled 9,650 steps today cleaning this place and as long as I can, I LOVE doing it.  Joni Mitchell and Neil Young blaring.....windows open - I LOVE it) - as I was saying.....as I was cleaning this house today, I just felt LOVE.  I love this house.  Even thought it's old and I don't have the newest stuff on the walls....the things I DO have on the wall mean a lot to us!  I have often thought of having a decorator come in and help me, but there's too much here that means the world to us.  And today I realized....it doesn't matter that it's not a magazine house....or that the rooms are filled with odds and ends - they are odds and ends that mean SO much to us and as I go through, it's like stepping back into time.  I can remember things about our lives and that's SO sweet.  

So, from now on, I will enjoy to the fullest the homes I visit....loving the peaceful, magazine beautiful decorating....but when I walk into the these doors....this home....I will be proud and feel ALL the love of 49+years staring back at me.  Sweet gifts from those we love....memories all around....cozy to us....like the feeling you get on a winter's day when you are all wrapped up in a warm blanket.  I love our home....and I love the life God has given us....the family we are a part of.  

Crosses my friend's made - had them over to celebrate my birthday =). They each made a cross and that was my gift.  I had all the paints and canvases and brushes.  We had the best time laughing and painting.  And then three are from Avery and Addy....at one of our camp Mimi's, they painted a cross for me.

These books are ancient....from my momma and daddy.  Some are written in - their handwriting.  So precious to me.

Oh and the bus.....that sweet bus - what Michael drove when I met him.  My sister Gerry made curtains for it.  Yes, we were hippies!  And the stone at the top....a gift from the boys to Michael.  It's a brick they had made in the new Cowboy's stadium....the picture of my Aunt Loretta.....on her basketball team when she was young....she signed it =). There's also a photo book....a gift to Papa from the boys of the trip to Lambeau field to see the Cowboys play.  Sweet memories.

A faithful brother supporting his little bro when he played at UNT.....no matter how they fought when they were boys....there's love there.

We got this picture on a trip to Michigan with Shawn and Avery.  It's an original.  We spent way too much but I love it so much.

Pictures of our travels hangin on the walls.  LOVE so much the gift we have been given in traveling.  I pray they are many more trips.

Us at the beginning.....and the little gold thing at the bottom is a date keeper.  It was on my daddy's desk when I was growing up.  The date is set for Thursday, March 29th.  Our wedding day.

Shelves filled with pics of the loves of our lives....first cruise to Alaska - the Seatle skyline....old books of my parents.....I love this bookshelf.  And the painting on the left....with the soldier - Chase gifted that original print to his daddy.  LOVE.

A gift from my stocking this year.....from Chase and Angie.  In most everything I have like that, I write on the back of each gift the date and who it's from.  I never what to forget.

So.....my daddy's matchbooks.  When I was little, daddy had this huge fishbowl looking thing in his room and as he traveled....and he traveled a LOT - he collected matchbooks.  That basket has them in it and the two tall vases....Shawn actually has two vases full of them too.  And guess what?  I have MORE....he picked them up EVERYWHERE.....not just traveling, but restaurants, hotels they stayed in when on trips.  Some of the places are long gone.....but oh how I love these matchbooks.  Such a dear treasure.  I can remember him coming home from a trip....even the way he smelled - all dressed in his suit......he would throw his hat on the dresser and then reach into his pockets and throw the matchbooks in the fishbowl.  Oh how I miss them.

Pictures of our beginnings.  Cool story - on our 35th anniversary, I had a great idea to go by and take a picture of the Vanderbilt - Greenville sign.  I thought Shawn could make it look really cool and I would give Michael a framed picture of it for our anniversary.  So when I went by to take the picture of the street sign, there was an "open house" sign in the yard....the home where we met....where we fell in love was going to be OPEN the following Sunday from 3-5.  Well, I had to tell Michael I had driven by the Vanderbilt house and that it was open on Sunday.  We went with Cindy and Steve....Steve took a picture of us kissing in the exact spot we kissed for the first time - on December 16, 1972 - with our camera.  We got the camera home and we couldn't get the pictures to download =(. On our anniversary, I gave Michael the picture of the street sign AND a picture of the house - framed.  Fastforward to my birthday the next year....Michael figured out how to download the picture of our kiss - it's the picture at the bottom.  He gave it to me....framed....to match the others - for my birthday.  

Girls just wanna have fun and I love this picture SO much.  A gift from Angie and Chase years ago.  I can't let go of my "little" girls.

I painted this!  Took a painting course at Richland college and I am just so proud of this.  Loved taking that course.

Traveled to Venice and bought this for Avery.  She loved stuff like this.

My grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.  Oh how I miss them.  A few of the pieces of furniture we have are from them.....their very first pieces of furniture they purchased at the beginning of their marriage.  Mean so much to me.  Looks like a cross in the picture.....so fitting.  Some of the finest Christians I have ever known......I pray pieces of their love for Christ are seen in me today.

Avery gave me this bird.....for Mother's Day one year.  She must of been about 5.  SO precious.  The vase is from Sol Korea - Michael brought it to me when he traveled their for his work.  The picture....love it so much.  If you could read in the corner the artist signed it and put "first visit".  It was our first time to visit Sausalito.  We bought two paintings from them.  Sweet couple.  Wonderful visit.

Gifts from friends....I love this sweet pitcher because Marsha Mason POURS Jesus into me.  Just one of the meaningful gifts she's given me.  And the book on the bottom?  My daddy's reading book when he was little....I mean like 1st grade.  See what I mean?  Little love tucked everywhere in our home!

This a gift from Chase and Angie.....know what it reminds me of?  All the Camp Mimi's weve had with the kids.  And what happens at Mimi's STAYS at Mimi's?  Not always....loose lips Addy =). Oh how I love her.  (Ms. Ang.....Mimi gave Hayden donuts!)

Our first trip to Rome....on the square there, we bought this painting.  It was a canvas, all rolled up in a container.  Brought it home and spent 3times what it cost to have it framed.  Oh that trip though, we took a road trip through Tuscany....and that's what it looked like!  Ate lunch under a grape arbor at a beautiful Malbec winery.  Oh the memories. 

Took a trip to Victoria - with Terry and Debra Anderson.....just to see Crosby, Stills and Nash.  (awesome concert). It was a wonderful trip.  Those are our tickets....and the newspaper from the next morning in Victoria - Shawn had them framed for us.  

Michael's cancer.....it was the biggest storm.  But one day we got this package in the mail.  It was from my cousin in Kansas City.  The frog on the left was inside with a note that told us it was F.R.O.G. - it stands for Fully Rely on God.  There was a note included.  The FROG had been in the company of many that had faced cancer and beat it.  He was given to Michael to keep him company as he fought the fight.  To remind us....FULLY rely on GOD.  So our friends Doris and Will thought it was such a great message, they saw the frogs in the middle and gifted them to us....SO SO precious to us.  Love our frogs and the sweet loves in our lives that gifted them to us.  We will send the little frog on the left off,  with the note attached, when we have a close friend or family member that needs the comforting reminder.

Oh - see Michael with his dog?  He was in the service.  I think that is "Moon".  And then just US.  I love those pictures.

The hat rack.....long been in the family - got it from my momma and daddy.  I think it belonged to my grandmother and granddaddy Beard.

This is the sweetest cross....a gift from Shawn and Avery.  Those are prayers nailed to it.....prayers from me - to my Savior.  Love my Shawn and Avery Grace.

And this little guy, he was a gift too.  From the Frisco Corley's.  The ottoman he's on a gift from Shawn....from their first house.  We used to have the chair that goes with it but gave to Ron and Lee.

Bibles from our mommas....Look how worn....the WORD in their hearts.  LOVE these precious bibles they held and read and loved so much.  

Many more things around this house.....that just scream love to me.  Love from the past, love from the now.....love from our family....love from our friends.  I love this home....filled to the brim with "us".  

Turning 70

 I don't feel 70.  

Oh, there are plenty of aches and pains sometimes.....I am not as quick as I used to be.  When I look in the mirror and see the lines, I still don't see 70.  I see lines.....I see the gray in my hair.  But 70????? 

I can remember when I was young and my parent's friends were 70-ish.....my goodness, that was ANCIENT.  They looked 70.....acted 70.  I probably do too, but I sure don't FEEL 70.  

I am thankful for this birthday.....thankful for the sweetest gifts God has given me in my hubby, my family, my friends, my love for Him.  I hope I can do 70 proud in sharing this journey with them....with Him.  Hope we can lean in to each moment and grab all that sweet and precious life has to offer....all God has planned for us...the sweet gifts He showers us with day and night.  Goodness, we are blessed.  

I am walking closer to Him these days.  Reading His word, talking to Him more.  Just a closer walk and for that I am thankful too.  I pray each day.....more of Him and less of me.  

Come on 70.....Let's DO this!!

A cold winter day and random thoughts

From our breakfast table.....

Deliver for Meals on Wheels peeps for Valentine's Day

 This time last year we had snowmageden - this day, it's just cold....ice is gone and we are enjoying this Saturday morning with coffee in hand.  Our devotional time is done (thank you Michael for ingraining this habit into all of my days.  because of you, I am in God's Word most every single morning). Sammy sleeps beside me, all nestled in his blanket, snoring away.  Thank You Lord for this quiet time....for this warm and cozy home....for Michael's health....for my family....for Sam that loves us so...for friends right at our back door and up the street.....thank You Jesus for salvation....for Your promises....for that glorious view across the street and the sunsets on the lake and the wild life outside our windows....for the little bird that literally peered into our home this morning from the sunroom door.  I pray Jesus, that I will never take for granted the gifts You give....they are oh so precious.  

Last night, as he often does, Shawn called just to check in with us.  I can't say enough how precious this is.  All during his youth, he kept us at arms length....so independent and closed.  But now, there's this precious relationship with him and I just can't thank you enough for that Jesus.  It means the world to us.  He often calls just to say hi and often comes over just to spend the day with us.  

They say that a son is a son until he takes a wife and that a daughter is a daughter for life - I can see that in our relationship with Chase.  It's like the tables have turned and oh how I miss the relationship we used to have.  All during his youth, we shared every aspect of his life.  He was so open - included us in everything from homework, projects, to girlfriends and his faith.  But as time has gone on, things have changed and I guess I just have to accept that fact.  I know he's busy with his career, raising kids, loving his family - but oh Lord Jesus I miss talks....deep talks - not the surface ones we seem to have always now.  I pray Lord that You will help us get that relationship back.  I miss Chase Corley!  

So much in the world right now is in question.  Ukraine is at war with Russia....our political situation is scary at best - we have three friends that are just fighting right now to stay above water....and one that is struggling to live.  Things are changing in our church - an avid run for young people and I feel the changes for our older generation taking a back seat.  I am thankful to have our bible study groups though.....they keep me grounded in The Word - growing Jesus bigger in my heart and our lives.  I am so very thankful to have You Lord....I don't know how people live in this world without You - and yet, so many do.  The evil runs rampant and seems to just grow daily.  Keep me in Your Light Lord Jesus I pray.  And You know my biggest prayer.....my very biggest and most often ask.....Please save my family.

Lord Avery is going though something now and it's so dark.  It scares me so much for her.  She hasn't a clue how very much she needs YOU.  All I ask Lord - and I ask it often, is that You will save her.  Soften her heart to Your saving grace....please Lord.  Save my beautiful Avery.  And Audrey - oh Lord she too has no clue how much she needs You.  She's lost and so in need of Your hand to guide her.  I know You won't force it.  I just pray when she looks into the eyes of those precious babies Lord....help her realize the magnitude of the responsibility she has.  Lord for these two....who need you SO very much, I pray divine intervention in their lives.  I pray for Hayden too Lord.....that You will speak so loudly in his life that he will hear and ask You in.  He has such a sweet heart.  I pray it can belong to You soon.  I pray for Addy and Hay....that Your voice will be the loudest one they hear and that they will ALWAYS be reminded WHO they belong to.  For all, I just pray Your protection....Your conviction....Your sweet and gentle love guiding this family to the abundant life You are writing for each one of us.  For Angie and this new job....Lord I pray she absolutely loves it and that she will do well.  

Just some random thoughts.....prayers....and thankfulness.  My word this year is woven....and this the scripture reference:

Colossians 2:2-4

I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God.  Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery.  All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else.  And we've been shown the mystery!

                                                                                                                    The Message

Lord, please weave Your light and love into every nook and cranny of my life, I pray.  I pray more of You.....less of me.  I pray that You will weave Your saving grace miracle into every heart in this precious family You have placed me in.  Divine intervention.  Overwhelming Love.  Paid in full.  Thank You Jesus and may I never take for granted the gifts You give.  

 

The Dance

 It's really early.  Still dark outside.  This little one got me up early.  Sometimes I think he just doesn't want to be alone in his crate.  He's really good about going into it at night.  I mean, who wouldn't be?  a soft,  warm blanket in there.....and the fact that he gets blueberries and CHEESE  right before he snuggles down for the night.  

It's a ritual.  And Sammy boy looks forward to it!  I think now if I ever came to the crate with anything other than blueberries and cheese, he might revolt!

But sometimes in the mornings, I wake up to whimpering from his crate.  So I get up.  I hurry and make coffee and then I go spring Sammy from his crate.

There's a little dance we do EVERY single morning.  Out for a quick pee.....then, as he comes in,  jumping as close to my ankles as possible as we make our way to the treat jar.  I retrieve my coffee from the microwave (I kind of have coffee milk =). Quite a bit of milk in there so it has to be warmed) and I can't sit down soon enough.....here comes Sammy.  He gets in my lap, puts his paws on my chest and he's ready for his morning rub.  I rub his ears.....his neck......up under his chin and he lifts it way high.  I think it must feel really good to have an under the chin rub if you are a dog.  Sometimes he wants more.....so he paws my hand.  Eventually, he will settle in beside me (as close as he can lay and scrunched down in a blanket) and he's back asleep.  

It's a dance he does every single morning - without fail. 

And if Michael gets up first (and that happens a LOT), he does the VERY same thing with Michael.  

So here we are.....all tucked in.  I will be doing my devotional time and Sammy will sleep.  That is until he hears Michael get up.  Then he waits - ears alert and he waits for Michael to come in.  Michael will reach down and talk to Sammy - hug on him a bit and then he's off to get coffee.  But here's the rest of the dance.  The MINUTE Michael's butt hits his chair (we are creatures of habit - same place every morning for our devotional time), Sammy gets up, shakes and off he goes to Michael.  He hops up into Michael's lap, puts his paws on his chest and waits for his second rub.  Same.  If he quits too soon, Sammy paw his hand to keep at it.  Soon Michael will get his phone out and start reading the paper and the minute THAT happens, here comes Sammy.....to my side....as close as he can lay...sleeping soundly (and dreams come too....as his little paws gently poke my side - he's chasing a squirrel I'll bet!) And the dance ends.  

I absolutely LOVE this sweet puppy.  I am so very glad that he came to be ours.  Such a sweet little gift....with a dance that I love and look forward to every single day.  

Somebody got their hair did yesterday =)

                                                                Our morning dance.