I think about blogging...I just so often fail to do so.  The last few weeks have been so hard.  I am in a funk right now and can't seem to surface.  

A few weeks ago, Angie's daddy got really really sick.  He's been fighting so long to stay home....to stay with grandpa (who he takes care of 24-7) but he was in ER twice in a very short time and this time would be his last.  Angie knew it was so serious, so she ended up flying to KC to be with her daddy and Chase had an out of town trip for his new job that he needed to make, so I went to Frisco to be with Hayden.  I love my one on one time with that sweet boy, but at 69 years....I am not made for a week at a time.  He's a ball of energy and I guess because of his ADHD, entertainment for Mimi is non stop.  If I let him play on technology all the time, it would be so easy.  But I just hate for him to do that.  I am really worried about all the time he spends on his iPad and computer - he would do that all night and day if he was allowed.  I see it interfering with his friendships and his personality.  It really scares me.  

But it's HARD.  He is so fidgety if he's not doing something.  It's so hard for him to sit still.  It drained me trying to keep him off the electronics and into "life".....but it was GOOD.  We watched so many movies....his choice and he did such a good job picking them out.  We cooked - he watches "Tasty" on Youtube and got so many ideas for dinner.  We shopped for the things he wants to make and I promise....that boy, everything he sees he wants!  We went in for a few things to make "gouda stuffed burgers" and 58.oo later, we were done.  He made glazed pork chops and 5 cheese Mac and cheese the first night....SO yummy, second night the burgers and they were awesome....another night he made teriyaki chicken and it was probably my favorite.  He just might be a little chef when he grows up!  We played games in the pool (and this is Texas summer mind you), we played Mexican train (and he always wins), we just had a special time together.  But this mimi was drained when I got home.  

It was a heart breaking time for Angie....her daddy passed away....but the most awesome thing ever was that right before he passed away, he accepted Jesus as his Savior!  Chris talked to him and prayed the prayer with him to accept Jesus.  He was struggling....his breathing was labored.  Everyone got to say their goodbyes before he stepped into heaven too.  They had a precious graveside celebration of his life.  Chase said the most profound thing and it has stuck with me.  He told me that SO many friends of Curt showed up at the memorial....and he said "mom, these weren't just 'surface' friends....these were the kind of friends that would bleed for you".  That says SO much about Curt.  Wish I could have known him longer and better.  I am SO very thankful that heaven holds him.  One day we can visit!

SO, I was home about a week later, I am going back to Frisco for a week to stay with Hayden, Cooper, Rosie....and I told Michael this time please go with me.  So we had Sammy too.  Oh my goodness, another week, 3 dogs, one of which does not play well with others, Hayden and 24-7 care for a week.  Angie Corley....how do you do it?  There was a schedule (thank you Angie) and some activities Hayden had, like basketball camp....time with Nathan to play....a few things.  

Here's the one thing that happened though at the very first.  It was life changing for me.  I haven't been able to shake the mess.....The first night we kept Hayden, Suzanne had invited us to Bob's birthday party at Primo's.  Same place they had their first date (which I went on with her) and a year to the day we all met again.  Thank's to Christine and Jim, we were able to go.  

It was a big crowd - Lane came but Pam was sick.  Doris and Will, Sue, Becky and Tom, Chris....and of course Bob and Suzanne.  We got there the same time Will and Doris did.  We were seated on the patio....with a table for twelve set.  Last time the girls sat together and the guys at the other end.  I never like this situation because I am Michael's voice....I am also his ears a lot of the time when it's crowded like that.  But as we did the year before, we sat boys on one end and girls on the other.  Will sat by Michael - left a chair between me and Will and Doris on my right.  In comes Suzanne and Bob....they sat across from us with Bob down toward the guys, Chris next to him by the boys....then came Lane, he sat on the end across from Michael.  Sue sat down at the end by Doris....and then in comes Becky and Tom.  SO there's an empty chair at the end between Michael and Lane - with the guys - or there's a chair by Will and the other chair is at the girl's end.  Becky comes down to sit at the end by the girls....and Tom walks right passed the chair by the guys (between Michael and Lane) and down in the middle close the girls, on Will's right.  I could see Michael's face.....it broke my heart.  SO we order drinks, a margarita was spilled on Michael as they were serving....everyone laughed....except Michael.  I looked down shortly after and told Doris "Michael has checked out" - Will was turned listening to Tom.....Lane and Chris were turned talking to Bob.  Michael was looking off and the look on his face told me he wasn't just hurt....he was MAD.  I went got up and went down to that end of the table....."are you okay?" I asked....."I don't want to be here....I want to leave NOW.....nobody wants to sit by me, nobody wants to talk to me - I want to leave NOW".  So I grabbed my purse, made our excuses and we left.  On the way home, I just saw a very broken man.  What do you say?  He said he doesn't blame anyone....that they can't hear him....he can't hear.....people avoid sitting by him.....but you know what?  I just can't help but shake this feeling....and I am praying so hard about it because I can't shake it.  A TRUE friend....someone that really cared and was compassionate would have sat on the end....with the guys.....someone who claims to be a good friend would have been his voice....would have been there for him.  I just don't think they realize what Michael has had to give up....what WE have had to give up.  On the way home, we just said we will never separate again if we are ever forced to be in a large crowd....but truly, we will try and never put ourselves in that situation again.  And we will surround ourselves with people that truly love us and have our backs.  I am struggling with forgiveness.....I just can't imagine why he walked passed Michael and sat with the women.....he could have been smack dab in the middle of the guys....and he could have been Michael's voice.....the evening could have been so different.  But it showed us a few things.....that we just can't be in large, loud groups again.....that we know who our true friends are and we just have to be okay with that....and that he needs me by him.  I can always be his voice and his ears.  

SO the week with Hayden was crazy....but precious.  We watched movies, cooked, played games, played lacrosse in the pool, and this Mimi played laser tags....running through the house like a teenager.  We made a special potted plant for Angie from Hayden for her birthday.....Yes, it was a wonderful week, but Michael joked to Angie from the airport, when their plane landed...."Don't be surprised if you find the car running when you get here".  

Each night I prayed with Hayden at night time.....I really think he loved the time with us.  He was a little put off with me because I limited his screen time.....but other than that, he loved us being there.  He loves the attention.  when he did play his computer - "mimi, will you come watch me?" and of course I did.  Every minute.  We drove back to Rockwall for "movie night" at our church.  (of course I had a scavenger hunt set up for him at the house when we went by) Great message that night because the movie was "Sandlot" - it was about friendship - an awesome message for Hayden.  We grabbed cokes and popcorn on the way in.....he was SO attentive during the service - and towards the end, he leaned over to me and asked "mimi, it's not about to be over is it?" - he LOVED the movie.  As we were leaving, in the parking lot, he says "okay, Ive got two things to say about tonight....first, they should have shown the entire movie" - I told him that we only had an hour for our service and that we could watch the movie when we got home - he as excited about that!  "the second thing is - it seemed like they were trying to SELL something" - They were, I told him....they are trying to sell Jesus in your heart.  "Oh" he says....."I get it".  We talked some about Jesus....about heaven, cause that is where grandpa is now....I just continue to pray every single day for Jesus to bill up his heart.  I pray daily for Hayden to accept God's sweet gift of salvation.  He pinkied that he would finish the book I gave him "Heaven is for Real".....I pray he does.  

I am thankful for the one on one with Hayden.  I love that he still loves time with us.  This Mimi plays her heart out when we are there!  Papa's "routine" was disrupted but he enjoyed the time too I think.  Sammy not so much!  

Angie and Chase had an incredible vacation in Turks and Caicos.  We were glad that we could help make that happen.  They needed that getaway!  

Love our family.  

Momma said there would be days like this....

Let's start with something so minor.....no internet.  It started on Friday - March 12th.  It lasted about 2 1/2 days.  I had to head over to Shawn's to dog sit for him (he and Avery went to Chicago to look at the college she might attend in the fall....really Avery?  THAT FAR????).  Michael usually stays home with Sammy - just because Sammy and Malcolm don't get along too well.....Michael was able to watch TV in the evenings with his phone.  He always comes to visit during the day with us.  On Sunday he came over and we watched a movie.  He just wasn't the same though.....very quiet...left early.....I could tell he just wasn't himself.  Next morning i didn't hear from him....I thought maybe just sleeping in.  I called him about 10 and found out he had been sick all night.  Nauseated, fever (101.5) and chills.  Since we are in this Covid mess, I told him he really needed to call his doctor.  Doctor sent him to ER.  

SOOOO, Here I am in Lakewood and Michael in Rockwall and he has to go to ER.  I have a dog in Lakewood and we have a dog in Rockwall that we are responsible for.....what to do?  I hurried home though and we drive to Er at UTSW because they have all of Michael's records.  They run all kinds of tests, one of which was very alarming.  His white count was 21 - normal is 5-10.  They are VERY concerned.  At some point in the afternoon, I went to let Sammy out and decided to take him to Shawn's - keep Sammy in his crate and let Malcolm roam as he usually does.  But both dogs needed to be let out, so I hurried to Rockwall - then packed Sammy up and headed to Lakewood to let Malcolm out and drop Sammy off.  Sammy knew something was up....and he wasn't a happy camper!

Michael was still not himself.  I can't explain it, I will just say he was "off".  He knew it too.  Michael kept saying "I just feel rum dumb".  Words were hard to come by for him that day.  He was pretty much fever free the entire time we were in ER though....and altho the doctor advised us to let him be admitted....he let Michael go home with oral antibiotics (later we were told he should NEVER have been allowed to leave with a white count that high).  

It was so late when we were discharged.  Neither on of us had eaten that day.  I asked Michael if he would like me to stop and get something for him to eat.  I knew things were bad when he said "no, I am not really very hungry".  Michael Corley is ALWAYS hungry!!

We went by Shawn's to pick up the dogs and bring them to Rockwall with us - and let me say.....THAT was an experience.  Michael held Sammy while Malcolm paced in the back seat of the car and cried the entire trip.  It was almost midnight when we got home.  Michael wasn't himself.....he just talked WEIRD.  That's all I can say.  They took blood that day at the hospital to send off for cultures.  I knew already that it was going to be positive.  He was acting just like my momma did when she had an infection in her blood.  He slept good that night but was still a little strange Tuesday morning.  I fixed him oatmeal and he actually ate most of it.  That was a good sign to me.

We both desperately needed a shower.  He took his first, then I got in.  As I was showering, I hear the toilet gurgling.  That means it's stopped up.  Slowly the water pools at my feet and I realize it's all stopped up....AGAIN.  I yell for Michael to go and check the other bathrooms.....ALL OF THEM ARE LEAKING WATER FROM UNDER THE TOILETS!!  I grab every towel we own and put towels down everywhere.  He calls a plumber.  Plumbers are hard to find because of all the freeze stuff they are dealing with.  The second one we call "MIGHT be able to get to us today......".

So we have every towel we own covering the bathroom floors....If we have to use the restroom, we travel across the alley to Ron and Lee's - bless them.  I leave to go in search of a good thermometer.  When we take his temp with the one we have, his temp might be 102.5 and then right after that, 98.9.  We need something reliable.  At one point I took my temp with that stupid thermometer and it was 91.  Geez.

As I am driving, I get a call from Michael.  "I have more good news for you" he tells me.  The doctor called from UT and said we need to come back to the hospital ASAP.  His blood cultures are positive and he needs IV antibiotics immediately.  

SO, here we go.  I have a house that's leaking water from every orifice - two dogs I am in charge of, a plumber that MIGHT get to us today and a husband that's just not all there mentally and needs to go across town to the ER IMMEDIATELY!  What can I do?  Shawn and Avery are due in at 6:00 that evening, but  we find out that Shawn doesn't have a key to get into his house.  What in the WORLD????  I have the only key!  His ex wife's hubby drives to Rockwall to get the key.....they also offer to pick Shawn and Avery up from the airport.  SO thankful.

Thank GOD for giving us the sweetest neighbors EVER.  Ron jumps into action - cancels all he's got going and takes Michael to ER. Not only does he take him, but he stays ALL afternoon into the evening and lets me stay at home waiting on the plumber.  There comes a plan for the dogs too.....Angie and Chase offer to meet me at Shawn's, after the plumber comes, and get Sammy.  Shawn and Avery are due back at 6, so Malcolm will be okay there until they get home.  Oh....but I don't have a key now to get into the house.  Quickly when I realize that, I call and see if Mark (Deb's husband)  left the key under Shawn's mat or if he has it with him.....he's got it with him and they are already on the way to the airport.  They are just 5 minutes away though so they will put the key under the mat.

We have a plan, right?  Plumber comes late, but they get the house unstopped.....Chase is going to meet me at Shawn's to get Sammy.  I load the dogs and all their stuff into the car and off we go.  Malcolm, bless his heart, cries and paces but not as bad as the first trip......Sammy cries a little too (I think Sammy was just freaking out at all the chaos).  I finally get to Shawn's.....head to get the key....it's not there.  IT'S NOT THERE!  I call Deb - "Mark....the key is not there.  Where did you leave it?" - "it's under the wooden mat" - I don't see a wooden mat....oh no....he left it at the wrong house and I am going to have to go and look on every front porch for a wooden mat????  "There's no wooden mat here....just a big mat with a C on it" - Deb goes "We don't have a mat with a C.....only a wooden mat" - Shoot, the key is under THEIR mat, not Shawn's.  I call Chase....he suggests we meet at Deb's house....so off I go....all this time so worried about Michael and SO wanting to get to ER.....He's SO sick - I mean it's dangerous!  We make the switch with the dogs....I get Malcolm home and get to the hospital about 7.  Ron has been there the entire time.  Bless him.  Ron though, as he usually does, has made it an enjoyable time.  He's laughing with the nurses, telling Michael stories....Michael is pretty much back to his old self (thank You LORD).

We get amazing news.....he is responding SO well to the IV antibiotics....they admit him....room 954.  It's like a 5 star hotel this hospital!  Goodness, the view....in room movies....so many people waiting on us hand and foot....everyone SO kind.  We called "room service" to order meals!  I mean if we had to be in a hospital, THIS was the hospital to be in!  Michael forgot some things at home that he needed, so since he's doing so well, we decide I will go home and get the things, sleep there and head back in the morning.  The drive home took forever because of construction .....I got home a little before midnight.  I am BEAT....off to sleep I go.

My alarm goes off at 6:15....I am thinking "goodness, it's dark in here....." - I reach to turn on the light....no power.  Ya'll - NO POWER.  I quickly get a flashlight and walk through the house.  Everything looks ok...just no power.  I desperately need a shower....so I shower in the dark.  Dress in the dark.  Make drip coffee in the dark.  Oh and since I couldn't do my hair - no power for the dryer, I cut my bangs.  Note to self....never cut your bangs when in the middle of chaos and in the dark.  It's not pretty.  

Then I remember the power garage door.  Guess I will take the Freestyle and pray it makes it downtown.  I go out to move it and find the biggest mess ever....oh my goodness, we have had a horrible storm overnight.  Ron's car is covered with heavy branches....our furniture on the gazebo has all blown into the yard with the heavy chairs turned over.....the table even moved and it's got propane attached.....pillows are everywhere in our yard.  Then I smell gas.  Our gas light has blown out....maybe that's causing it?  I try and turn it off but I can't.  So I call the gas company.  They will send someone out.  I have to wait for them....don't want to leave the house with gas smell so strong.  About 10 the power comes back on.  Great....I can get the garage door open!  SO after the gas guy leaves (and it WAS the lamp post) I head for the hospital.  It's like driving through a war zone in our neighborhood!  Branches everywhere....mud, leaves....it's a mess.  I get there and he's sitting up in his chair....already had a good breakfast and the news?  He's being discharged!  He has responded SO well to the antibiotics and he's been fever free since being there.....we get to go home!!!  

This is on March 17th.....St Paddy's day.  The day before my birthday.  I asked God, SO many times, prayed and pleaded with Him to please let Michael be okay.....that all I wanted for my birthday was Michael well.  God is so precious and has given us such grace and mercy in this!  On my birthday, I get to wake up at home....with my Michael....with power, with Sammy, with working plumbing.....side by side....Shawn and Avery home safely, no-one was hurt in the horrible storm....what a precious gift.  I can't even tell you how thankful I am.....Cannot even express in words.  God is SO good - how thankful I am that I don't ever have to travel these trials and tribulations alone....He is always by my side and He always hears my prayers......He has graciously allowed Michael and I to share this journey and it's the sweetest gift from Him.  Lord I thank You so very much.  The chaos of the last week was hard.....but I praised You in it all and I praise You now.  You are the rock of my salvation....my strong and steady tower.....Thank You Jesus.  

Thank You for Your healing hand on Michael.....thank You for loving us like You do.  Thank You for all the many gifts You give and I will try my best not to take the days for granted.  They are precious.  

Card from my cousin.....that's me - looking so much like Chase!

Ron's car was where those limbs are.  Broken window, dented car....

Our view from the 5 star hotel - amazing!

Malcolm loves his Camp Mimi!

Sits in my lap and watches TV with me =)

Picture to me from Ron as the ER docs check Michael out GOOD!

A crazy birthday week.....but I am OH so thankful.  

random thoughts

 Today as I was doing my walk....and praying - I started this for the new year....after my devotional and bible reading, I walk and pray.  Getting in almost 4 miles a day which I need so desperately.  Anyway, I was thinking today about my childhood....how very perfect it was and how it could have been so very different had God not intervened.  I am so thankful His hand plucked me from the situation I was born into and placed me in the arms of my momma and daddy....oh my goodness, how precious my life.  And oh my goodness, how thankful I am.  

Talk about a Leave It To Beaver childhood!  No pearls for my momma except on special occasions, but all the rest.  Momma took such good care of me and daddy.  She worked hard....breakfast around the table each morning - and she always made it special.  Not just a bowl of cereal - biscuits, sausage, and sometimes grapefruit halved in a little bowl.....and every single think she put on that table was delicious.  Probably the reason I have such a passion for cooking and food now....and also the reason for the weight problem I struggle with....but I would change it for anything.  As I was off to school, and daddy out the door to catch the bus for work, momma washed, cleaned, cooked, moved furniture around and she was only 5 ft tall....she amazed us both some days when we would come home and HUGE pieces of furniture would be in a different place.  She ironed EVERYTHING....pillowcases, napkins.....and she had this big green bottle with a spout on the end with holes in it.....sprinkling everything, rolling it up and ironing it one by one.  When I was little, she would let me do the sprinkling....and ironing the pillow cases.  Homemade desserts were always a part of our dinner and lunches on the weekends.  Oh and she made the best!  After school and homework, I would go outside and play til suppertime.  A full boat, home cooked meal every single night.....well every once in a while, TV dinners.  They were the rage back then and I can only imagine such a treat for momma.  That and chicken pot pies.  But never just a chicken pot pie....she served it with rolls, and veggies.  And dessert....don't forget dessert.  Summers were heaven....I was brown as a little Spanish child - out early morning to play all day long - in for lunch and supper but back out to play til bedtime.  Stinky and dirty I would come in and take my bath.....ring so bad around the tub when I got out.....but always fresh pj's and then....I can still feel and smell this....my bed was RIGHT next to a window air unit....I would crawl in that bed....the sheets would smell of sunshine and they were SO cold....it was the coziest feeling....and the BEST sleep.  I can remember fall Saturdays, daddy would have a transistor radio in the pocket of his shirt - listening to the SMU game....working outside on the house or the yard.  One picture so clear in my mind is him high up on a ladder and that radio blasting the scores.  He worked so hard to take care of us.  I can still remember the way he smelled when he came home from work.  His suit would be a mixture of city and probably cigarettes back then - not him, he never smoked, but people in the office did.  But it was a smell I loved....I guess because I loved him so much.  They had friends over a lot....big groups of their friends....all from church.  At Christmastime, I can remember laying in my bed, the Christmas light outside my windows blinking red and green, momma playing the piano, and all their friends gathered round singing Christmas carols.  Christmas morning.....oh Christmas morning....walking in and seeing all the things Santa brought me.  Stockings hung on the door of the dining room....filled with nuts and fruit.....I remember the Christmas I got my new bike.....aqua with white tassels on the handbags.  I remember the year I got a pogo stick....and being outside in the drive all day long jumping on it.  Always....and I mean ALWAYS....even their last Christmas here on earth, ALWAYS a tree and lights and decorations.  Momma loved Christmas.....and when I was really little, we always spent Christmas Day at my grandmother and granddaddy Beard's home in Rockwall.  The table would be so full of the best dishes EVER in this world.....so many of our family gathered round the table.  Lots of rocking on the porch after dinner....and into the evening, hearing the sounds of the country....pretending to fall asleep just so my precious daddy....all 6 ft 5 inches of him....would pick me up and carry me to the car.  Goodness, I felt so safe....SO loved.  One Christmas we went to Arkansas.....the only thing there....they open their gifts all on Christmas Eve.....Christmas morning came and me and daddy were SO sad.  Never again we said.  And never again have we opened gifts early.  

As a teenager....and young adult - there are lots of things I am not proud of....but still the sweetest time growing up.  My highlighted hair was not from a salon.....it was from lemon juice in my hair.  My tan wasn't from tanning lotion....baby oil was my go to.  I used to roll my hair on orange juice cans....momma made all of my clothes until I was 16 and got my first job.....selling Madame Alexander dolls at Medallion store.  I took my first paycheck and spent every cent of it on an outfit at Sanger Harris - blue and cream checkered pants, a cream colored long sleeved shirt and a navy blue baby doll thing that went on the top.  I'll bet I wore it every couple of days!  I still have my prom dress momma made....and I remember the hip hugger bell bottoms.....with the matching vest.  When I was little, the striped dress with the white penifore with the big bow in the back.  Momma was so talented.  

I never minded being sick.  Momma made you so comfortable and loved.  Pallets on the sofa, toast and tea.....oatmeal and butter and sugar.....mashed potatoes....vicks on my chest and a warm wash cloth on top.....and daddy would bring me surprises on his way home from work.  I remember chicken pox....I was so very sick.  Daddy brought me coloring books and paper dolls.  I remember fainting.....getting out of the bath and daddy carrying me to my bed.  I remember the time in 7th grade, walking home from school....fell backwards and hit my head so bad.  Concussion.  Didn't know anything....didn't know my parents....didn't know what happened....nothing.....don't remember going to the hospital.....first thing I remember is waking up.....dark room with the lamp so dim by my bed....momma and daddy both sitting right there....holding a plate of roast and mashed potatoes trying to get me to eat.  Oh my goodness how they loved me up.  

Best childhood ever.  Sweetest parents in the world.  Thankful beyond measure!