Monday, May 11, 2015

Storms

when i said "i do" 42+ years ago, i never thought one of the things i would be doing was sitting across from my Michael and putting food into a tube that is inserted in his stomach.  i look back at the picture of the two young kids - nothing but love in their eyes - the world by the tail - truly not a worry in the world and i can't help but smile.  Oh had you known then what you know now!  Then i move forward and see the roads we have traveled since then.  Oh my goodness, love seems so shallow back then - at least to me now.  Back then though, i couldn't have loved him more.  How that love has grown and grown - deepened into something entirely different.  I see how God's hand guided us through those younger years - the birth of Shawn and Chase - babies raising babies.....mistakes made...Joys received.....Fears, dreams, stress, love, family, parents, friends, trips, work, holidays.....all the things that make up "life".  I also see God's tugging on our hearts to draw closer to Him all the way through.  Our parents deaths were the biggest storms we faced thus far.  Oh my goodness, the emotional roller coaster we were on with momma and daddy those last few years of their lives.  And then memaw and pepaw Corley - those were tough times.  For sure God carried us through those times....no way could we have made it on our own.  Then the lull.....and yes, we became complacent i think.  Complacent in our faith....in our finances, in our lives.  Then the storm of all storms.  Never did we see this coming.  March 18th, 2015.  The diagnosis that knocked us off our feet.  And so the storm rages....and so the questions about the future continue to plague our thoughts.  This storm.  It's awful.  It rages.  It stinks.  But i must say this....through this storm, God has made good.  First of all, He's drawn us SO close to Him.  Both of our hearts  have just grown and grown in our trust, in our faith, in our relationship with Him.  Also, we have become SO much closer to each other.  Our love has grown leaps and bounds through this ordeal....and it continues to grow.  In the hospital, there were things i did that i never thought i would have to do.....but when you love someone with all your heart, it's not even hard.  You WANT to do everything you can to help.  And then there's our family....oh my gosh, how we have all drawn together.  We were tight anyway, but now.....SO close.  And then there's Shawn.....we have been praying so hard for Shawn to grow in the Lord.....for his faith to grow.  His heart, since weathering this storm with us, is SO tender.  We are seeing huge changes in his life.  Thank you Lord.  Oh and our friends.....we KNEW we had awesome friends.....but PRECIOUS friends have become literally family.....we are SO close.  They met and prayed every single Thursday night for Michael after we got the diagnosis.  SO many friends we haven't talked to in ages have come to walk this journey with us.  God, even in the raging storm - You made good things come from it.  It's hard....it's really hard to say but we are thankful for the storm.  Thankful You didn't leave us where we were....complacent.....stagnant.....You wanted us to GROW....You wanted to draw us closer to Yourself and we HAVE.  We continue to trust You Lord.....we continue to leave the desires of our hearts at your feet.  We pray so hard for Michael's voice and his swallow.....we pray so hard for the cancer to be GONE completely.  These are the desires of our heart.....we trust You Lord to do what's best for Michael.....what's best for US.....what glorifies YOU Lord Jesus.  We love You more and more each day.  Thank You for loving us, for giving up YOUR life so that we might have eternal life.  All the glory to YOU our Lord and Savior.  We love YOU.

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