Remembering

My cousin sent me a precious picture today of her first grandchild.....little Ava Loretta.  In looking at the picture, memories just burst in my mind.....

When Addison was little bitty, we kept her many times because Chase and Farrah traveled for work.  I remember one time - and when i looked into those little eyes of Ava it makes me remember like it was yesterday - it was our first overnighter…..i think we had Addy for two days matter of fact.  She must have been about 3 months old…..They were giving me all the instructions on what time bottles were, how to fix them etc.  She would sometimes still wake up in the night for a bottle at 2:00 a.m. or so - they said “okay, just pick her up and get her bottle heated as quickly as you can - now don’t look at her, because if you do she will start grinning and cooing and she will wake up and you will be up for a long while…..but if you just quietly get her bottle and give it to her, she will go right back to sleep” - well, sure enough, about 2 A.M.  i hear her stirring - just a little whimper….. i remember as i walked into the kitchen, i tried my hardest not to look down…..but then i peeked…..and sure enough, the sweetest most precious smile came across her face.  Oh my goodness, that smile....i melted right there in the kitchen!  I didn’t talk to her though…..i fixed her bottle and sat down to give it to her - she took it right away and sure enough, those sweet eyes closed, her long eyelashes so dark against her cream-colored skin.  Oh my…..tears rolling down right now because i can remember it like it was yesterday!  And today, that beautiful brown-eyed girl is 15….where in the world did all those years go?

I remember too that next morning - i invited the great grandparents over to love on their first great grandchild.  I have the sweetest picture of my daddy holding her - she's dressed in yellow i believe.....my momma sitting right next to him as close as can be and she has Addison's foot, holding it up to her mouth to kiss it and she has the biggest grin you have ever seen on her precious face.  Even though dementia had taken so much of my momma away at that time, she sure knew joy and love!  And oh my goodness....that little brown-eyed girl could sure bring it!

Pictures are coming to me now....the picture of Pepaw Corley seeing her for the first time....his grin lighting up his face.  My daddy down in the floor with her, letting her crawl all over him.  I am so thankful for these memories.  Oh how i wish i could go back and be there....just for a minute...reliving those "firsts".  

Thank You Lord for the sweetest "firsts" and for all the sweetness afterwards.  I can remember Avery Grace....and that first time holding her.  Oh and her little eyes....she could grin with those eyes and still can!  I remember being told not to hold her too much....wanting her to get used to her bed and then parents coming in and finding both grandmas sneaking her out of the bed and rocking her in the night...Avery just a cooing!  I remember the first time meeting Haley and Audrey....Haley grabbing my hand at the Lakepointe Fall festival and not letting go (melted then too!).....Audrey running into the house and taking us all by storm.  What a little fire cracker at 13!  And then little Hayden Michael - holding that sweet boy for the first time....those lips....that dimple....those beautiful eyes.  And then Matthew!  Our first great grand.  Meeting that little blue-eyed boy for the first time.....they surprised us on a visit to Frisco - hiding in the kitchen - and Chase couldn't wait to show us.  My son a granddad....oh my goodness, how did the years go by so quickly? 

But i thank You Lord Jesus.....i thank You so much for these little memories that slip into my days.  Thank You for memories....thank You for family.....thank You for this life You have given me Lord.  Love beyond measure.  

Memorial Day

The Frisco family headed to Cedar Creek Lake with friends to celebrate.  We had a quiet holiday - Friday night, Rockwall Square for music and wine.....Kim and Ron, Sue, Doris and Will - fun night and Shelby was playing.  Sunday, we had Cindy and Steve over for burgers and Rumikub - nice little afternoon we had there.  Then Monday, Shawn and Avery came over.  We had lunch at Pier 101, back to the house for vacation planning and games.  Supper time rolled around and as i asked about heating up left overs, Shawn commented "i just love coming over here" - that made me feel so good.  I still love on them through food....it's always been a huge part of my love language....thanks to my precious momma....and it still is today.  Avery and i made bruschetta for appetizers and then we had left overs for dinner.

I sure do love cooking with and for my family.

We are just so blessed.

Sticks with names....

Oh my goodness.....what a week it's been!

While Angie and Chase experienced Grand Cayman for the first time....

Papa and I got to experience being parents again for a week =)

At first, that job was very daunting....for this 66 year old, it's really been a while since i've "Parented" - but we were both anxious to settle in and spend some one on one time with Addy and Hayden.

Every time we do this, i come away with an added sense of awe of Angie and Chase....and all that goes into raising these precious kids.

I headed to Frisco on Friday and left papa at the house.  We had roof issues and he needed to be there.      So it was just me and Hayden that Friday night.....Hayden had a baseball game on Saturday afternoon....they got slaughtered.....but it was a beautiful day and Kyle and i enjoyed watching them play.  Not sure Hayden is really into the baseball thing....i think it's so hard for him.  The problem he has with his leg hurting keeps him from really being able to dig in and run - and really get into the game.  I don't think he loves it like his daddy did.  He sure looks cute in that uniform though....SO reminds me of Chase.

After the game, i packed Hayden for overnight and we headed to Rockwall to spend Saturday night with Papa.   We had fun watching movies - Paddington was his first choice and it was the cutest movie.  Then we found another movie - the BFG - aka The Big Friendly Giant.  Mimi found it and decided we would at least start it and see what it was like.  Oh my goodness.....total boy movie.  Lots of crude things in that movie - one of which - the green brew with the bubbles that go down instead of up.  Think about it.  When we drink something with bubbles - the bubbles that go UP - what does it do?  It causes us to burp.  Well, this giant has a green brew and the bubbles go down....and what happens with bubbles that go DOWN?  LOTS of passing gas.....and that little boy.....he had us rewind that part and play it over and over.  We laughed SO hard!  When we got to Frisco, he had to pull up that movie and show Addy that part....and we had to rewind it again....THEN when momma and dada got back from Grand Cayman? I got a call when we got back home - face time - "Hey Mimi, you know what we forgot to show momma and dada?  The DOGS!!!  So as Hayden sat in Chase's lap and they fast forwarded to the "passing gas" part, i got to watch too, via Face time....and it made me giggle to see his dada chuckle at that part - AND then rewind it to see it again.  That little boy is ALL boy and i guess with that reaction from his dada, it just goes to show that there's ALWAYS a little of the "boy" left - even in dadas!

While still in Rockwall, we had lots of walks and collected LOTS of sticks.  This little boy loves sticks.....he has a pile at our house - AND an even bigger pile at his house in Frisco.  He names each stick and can tell you exactly where he got it.  The sticks become weapons and each one has a special property about it that makes it special.  How i loved having time to hear the stories....and the long walks we had in our neighborhood.....each time he would "protect" me while i ran to the supply huts (mailboxes) for more supplies.  I was always the keeper of the new sticks he found along the way too.  And OH we found some good ones!  I sure hope he will always remember fondly the walks and talks!

On to Frisco - excited to get there and get to spend some time with Addy too.  So we bundled up Sammy and we headed to Frisco.  I often wonder what goes through Sammy's mind when we go back to the Frisco house.  He seems to fall right back into life there - just like he never left.

We got all settled in and then the week started.  Getting baths each night, hair washed, books read, TRYING to get him to bed on time - up early, lunches made, breakfast fed, morning hair "tamed", dressed and school ready by 7:20 - Mornings are crazy but we did a pretty good job i think!  Each day we were on time (thankful for Papa's taxi service to school!) On Monday we picked Hayden up and then on to get Addy.  Hayden couldn't wait to see his sissy - he waited on the hill for her...

"I see her Mimi!  Here she comes!"

They have the sweetest relationship.....they fight like crazy but love just as much.  

It's so good to spend time with Addyboo.....that first night i made lasagna, salad and garlic bread....knowing it was one of her favs.  She's so quiet....getting moments to have one one one talks with her is rare, but i so love that time.  She has the SWEETEST heart....and she is always saying "thank you Mimi".  This morning a picture popped up on my FB page.....momma and daddy were at our house and holding Addison....she must of been about 3 months old.  My momma was grinning from ear to ear seeing her - it sure brought back the sweetest memories!  We got to keep Addy often when she was little - as both Farrah and Chase traveled quite a bit.  Oh those times....i look back at those pictures of that time often.....and just grab on to those memories of that precious baby girl.  She's all grown up now!  Quiet, respectful, beautiful, kind, funny - just so blessed by the gift of Addison Lane Corley.

That first Monday night, Addy had Young Life - and they had something called "color wars" - as she walked out the door with papa to take her, i had no idea what "color war" was.....and then she came home hours later....

GREEN from top to bottom!  She had paint from head to toe....and her SHOES.....oh my gosh, her SHOES.  BRAND NEW SHOES!  Covered in green paint!  I thought i would never ever get them clean and i pictured a green Addy headed to school on Tuesday.  Up she went to shower and she came down clean as could be.  I sprayed the shoes - every inch of them - with spray wash and tossed them in the washer.  To my surprise, they came completely clean.  As we talked that night, i noticed a "green"tint on her neck.  Sure enough....paint still there.  It came off with a little scrubbing.  But then as she walked out the door the next morning - down the front steps as papa was taking them to school - i see dark green on her heels......i mentioned it, but she said she scrubbed it hard and it wouldn't come off.  I think it's still there =)

The breakfast casserole was a hit....with Addy AND with Hayden.  I actually had to make two while there.  I cooked most every night - and enjoyed it so much in that brand new kitchen of Angie and Chase's.  Goodness, it's a chef's dream.  (If i could only quit going to the pantry to throw trash away!).  Addy and i played Rummikube - Kyle joined us and beat the socks off of us that last Friday night.  Was so nice though, playing on the patio....beautiful weather - sweet time.  So during our stay, lots of "Henry Danger" and "Kid Danger" - snakes Hayden wanted to keep - even though it was dead....trampoline time and "stick" shows - teaching Mimi the "floss" - 

Coke floats, pizza on Friday night.....bedtime stories (and i can't BELIEVE how well this little boy reads! Even the BIG words!) nighttime prayers, walking Sammy, hearing short clips of Addy's day and then long details of Hayden's day....that little boy has so much to share! - checking on the birds every morning and every night.....secret hiding places....playing "hide and treat".....movies and green bubbles that go down.....artwork that amazes me from a boy who is 7.....praying dogs and our brown eyed girl - just being with her.....laundry and lunches and bedtimes and schoolwork, stories, movies, and time- SWEET TIME - this week was special and i am so thankful for the time spent with these two.  Love them more than life.....

blessed by the gift of them.  Hoping for times like this with Avery, Hay, Aud, Todd and Matthew too. My grandchildren and my great grandchildren are gifts from God.  I am so very thankful for each one!  

BREATHING in......

Easter in Frisco

Easter - this year we went to Frisco - we missed our bunch from KC.....but we gathered together at Chase and Angie's for egg hunts, Texas Hold Em,  the BEST pulled pork tacos and cakes as big as Texas.

I love my family so much. I just wish we were closer - not necessarily in location, but in our hearts.

A mix up the night before had Shawn and Avery sitting at the back of the church during the entire service - me holding seats for them and for Michael - and Michael was at home waiting on Shawn and Avery.  It was a wonderful service, but i don't think i fully connected to it because i was worried about where everyone was.  Crazy miscommunication.  Afterwards, we went to a little cafe in Richardson and had dinner - listened to live music, than back to Shawn and Avery's to learn how to play Texas Hold Em.  Fun night even though it had a crazy beginning.

Then on Easter Sunday, we headed to Frisco about 2 - We had Chase's wonderful pulled pork tacos, cilantro lime rice (Angie has perfected that recipe to a T!) and i took layered dip and another appetizer.  Their new kitchen is just beautiful and a perfect place for entertaining.  I hope my days of hosting aren't over.  This little house will hold us all.  I just know how much the Frisco bunch hates driving here.  It IS such a long way.

The egg hunt was a success....even the big girls participated.

Creed came over to join in the hunt with Hayden.  They are just like brothers.  They love like brothers and they fight like brothers.  Such a good relationship between the two and good for Addy.  She got to have both of her brothers with her for a bit on Easter!  What a love that Addy is.....so quiet...so soft spoken.  She keeps lots inside but she loves deeply....love her so.

Avery Grace was very quiet.....i sure do worry about that sweet one.  She's SO sensitive and sometimes just so moody.  I pray that her heart will soon know Jesus.....she's going to need Him as the years go by - the school she's in is SO liberal....and her mind is being filled with it all.  Wish she could realize how much Jesus loves her and what He did for her.  Goodness, i love that little girl.  She looks so much like her momma.  Makes me sad because she and Addy just don't seem to be on the same page anymore....but then none of us do.

 We used to talk - Angie and i - not much anymore.  Just found out that they are testing our little Hayden for muscular dystrophy - my heart is hurting SO bad.  Cannot imagine and have been praying SO hard for his leg to get better.  I noticed this visit that the stiffness is so much worse.  My prayer is that it's NOT MD and that they can find a diagnosis for it and get his leg better.  Bless his punkin' heart he's got my heart BIG time....

Oh how i pray for this little one......i pray He will learn to love Jesus with all of his heart....early in his life - and walk the road that Jesus has carved out for him with such love....such boldness.  He's such a precious boy.....love him so very much.

So glad we got to see Haley again.  Oh my goodness, what a beautiful young woman she has become.  Love this sweet girl.  She's beautiful inside and out.  She gave me the sweetest card with precious words from deep in her heart.  She's such a love.

It was a cold day today.....KC peeps even had snow and ice!  Crazy weather for Easter!  And then we sure got a surprise from our sweet Audrey Marie!  Great grand number two is in the oven!  Gosh, we were surprised! I was thinking last night - she's having her babies at the same age Mimi had the boys!

It was a fun day.....i just wish sometimes we could all take our masks off and really lean into one another - i mean REALLY be open and just LOVE and truly enjoy one another.  But there's so many masks....so many inner struggles between personalities.  I wonder if every family is like this - or is it just us?

I am not sure where things changed.....but they did.....and the biggest change is with Chase.  I pray he's happy Lord.  I pray he's filled to the brim with YOUR love and with a security in YOU.....in his family.  I sometimes worry that he's got too much pressure on him....in his job.  I just pray he's okay.....i don't really know him anymore.....but i love him SO very much and i pray Lord Jesus YOUR sweet Spirit filling him to the brim.  I pray for his health....the hurting in his leg....i pray YOUR healing hand on him.  I am so glad Shawn and Chase seem to be getting closer.  I worry about Shawn when we are gone.....being alone.  I pray their relationship continues to grow closer and that they will always have each other.

Don't know why things changed or when - for a year or two, things just aren't right.....but i will just keep praying that our family will heal....that the chips on the shoulders will fall away and that the egg shells i walk on will leave.  My heart breaks.....but God You are the healer of relationships.  You are the one that knits our hearts together.  We've come apart Lord.....i pray Your hands gently stitching our hearts and lives back to what you intended them to be.

two more little things.....

i just remembered two more little things that i want to remember....

Shawn was home from bible school....they made these little churches out of cardboard and he said it was for his offering - then he asked me what offering was. I tried to explain how we give money to God through the church.....and how that money goes from the church to help others. We have talked many times about God and heaven and Jesus - and after my explanation, he goes back into his room very satisfied with the answer. In just a bit, he comes back in the living room with his little church in his hands.....and he tells me "momma, he dropped it!" - i said "What?" and he tells me again, "He DROPPED it!" I notice that his little church has pennies in it.....and then i realize what he's done. He went into his room, put the pennies into his little cardboard church and he held it up to heaven.....he was giving HIS money to God through his little church....and he let go! Oh to have the faith of a child!

Another time i was picking up glasses at an optical place.....i had three year old Shawn with me and he was cute as cute could be.....and never met a stranger. As we walked in, a lady waiting too struck up a conversation with him.....he just talked away....well, he kept talking....and she began to write in her checkbook and wasn't giving Shawn the attention he was so wanting....so he got up on the couch beside her....he inched as close to her as he could and he looked up at her and said "just fine.....and how are you?" -

BREATHE

2018 - Christmas Tree is down and neatly put away.....the house looks bare without all the decorations - a new year....new opportunities.....new word.  BREATHE.

My small bible study group has decided to choose a word to focus on in 2018.  It's something Marsha, our leader, has done for years now.  I think this is a good idea!  Since starting this bible Study.....Since i saw you last (aka SISYL) i have grown leaps and bounds in my relationship with the Lord.  I struggled with choosing my word.  I mean this is a word for the entire year.  I even downloaded a book on choosing my word.

The word i kept coming back to - less - less of me, less chaos, less busy, less technology, less insecurity, less negativity - but then i couldn't have less without another word....more....more of HIM, more quiet, more one on one relationships, more patience, more confidence in being the daughter of a KING!  So then i ran across the word "Breathe" - and i thought about it.....breathing in all the gifts God offers me....breathing in HIM - through study and prayer and just talking with Him as my day progresses.....Breathing in serenity, gentleness....all those fruits of HIS Spirit....and exhale....just letting all the crummy stuff out of my body....out of my life.  So my word for 2018 is BREATHE.....i hope i can actually focus on this word and be reminded when i take that deep breath that i am HIS daughter and i can be more and more like Him as i breath in big huge breaths of all He is and all He has for me in the life - and the next.  The picture?  This is Lake Moraine.....the most beautiful place i have ever seen - It was on our trip to Canada - a trip i have longed to share with Michael since before we were married.....it's close to one of my favorite cities ever....Banff - but this place....this place must be like heaven.  i literally stood in awe and cried as i took in the beauty, the smells, the experience.  BREATHE in cindy.....BREATHE in His goodness and grace.

This is our little group.....growing together in Christ....being there for one another through thick and thin.  Such a blessing this group....such a gift.

Then there's this man.....oh the places we will go.  I hope.  I pray.  I pray that in this 2018, Michael and i will grow closer and closer as we deepen our relationship with our Savior.  We've been through a lot.....45 years this coming March.  Most happy times, but some really tough times too.  I pray that this coming year will be a healthy year for us.....a year of exploring, growing, BREATHING in God's sweetness, together as ONE.

This year i pray our family can grow some roots down deep.  For the past year or so....maybe longer....changes have taken place in the relationships within our family.  Some good and some i am not crazy about at all.  I will continue to pray and i just hope in 2018, the air can be cleared and our hearts can be drawn together and roots be deepened.  BREATHE......EXHALE.....and pray.  Prayer changes things.  This is my prayer for 2018....that our family can come together, face to face, much more often....that the elephant in the room - well, God i pray You just send him away forever - and that we can truly appreciate the gift we have in each other, in this precious gift of each other.  Lord heal my heart....it's broken into a million pieces.

So BREATHE Cindy....BREATHE in big huge breaths of God....of His mercy and grace.....of all the gifts He gives....EXHALE the negative, the insecurities, the hurt....and oh Lord it's so hard for me sometimes.  I can't do it....it has to be YOU.  Please be my strength....be my portion Lord.  YOU are enough....YOU are everything to me.  I love You SO much....i need You SO much....my praise to YOU dear Lord.

1 John 3:17-18 Help me be a blessing.

This day....

Thanksgiving Day 2017.  It hasn't been the best one - Michael is sick and it's sure been a long haul.  We were really looking forward to a little getaway - just the two of us - to Branson MO.  We had a three night stay already paid for in the most beautiful place - Chateau on the Lake - and it was over the top beautiful with a brook running through the entire place - decorated for Christmas like crazy....luxury hotel, 5 star.  We broke up the drive there by going to see Annette and Bill and spending the night with them in Pine Ridge.  We had a great visit and then off for the 4 hour drive to Branson.  We got there late afternoon, showered, dressed and went down to the bar for wine - ended up ordering dinner there because it was just so peaceful and beautiful.  About 1:30 in the morning, Michael woke up sick....really sick.  His first words to me "Please don't be mad at me" - i couldn't understand why in the world?  He said "I'm Sick!" - i know he must feel like every vacation, he comes down sick - but it's not his fault!  Well, sick went to worse and worse.  He stayed in the room the entire stay - and we were both hoping he would get over it.  In the deep part of my heart though, i was so afraid it wasn't just a bug....i didn't get it and i totally should have with shared drinks, kisses and all....but as i was packing the car to leave, he asked me to ask about a Care Now close by....long story short, we ended up in the ER and admitted to the hospital.  He had a small bowel blockage.  We were there for 3 nights and then the LONG drive home.  That was 4 days ago....and he's still so sick.  We can't see a doc for a week.....i just don't know if we can wait that long.  He's so sick.

But this day....we are headed to Frisco shortly to spend it with our precious family.  I guess i am getting old....but "things" just aren't important anymore.....the commercialization of Christmas - ALREADY - can you say even in SEPTEMBER? - is really making me sick.  That seems to be all it is now.  People running crazy, buying buying buying.....forgetting all about the sweet baby we celebrate.  This day.....this day i am SO thankful for my family.  Relationships are what matters most. First of all, that relationship we have with Christ.....i pray that so hard for everyone in my family....hold Him close you guys.....it's what we are made for!  Second my relationship with my sweet hubby and my family.....and my friends.  God i thank You this day ....and always....for the precious family you put me in.....and since then the ones You have placed in my life.  Oh how i would love to go back with a do-over....knowing what i know now.  Goodness, i wasted time.  Goodness, i missed moments and opportunities.  The fast pace of life, the yearnings for "things" - robbed me of so much.  This day i purpose to live and lean into the moment.....thankful for every blessed day You give me.  I purpose to appreciate EACH one in my family and my friends too Lord....realizing, that each one is a gift from YOU.  Thank You Lord for my Michael....i pray so hard Lord Jesus that You will place Your mighty healing hands on him and heal his body now.  It is the desire of my heart Lord.

Thank You Jesus....for this day.  Thank You for calling my name and keeping me close.  You are my amazing Father.....creator of my heart - Author of my story.  Help me magnify You with all i have and all i am Lord.  I love You.